And just to let you know, the bashings are in totally random order.

Bakura: Wait a minute! I like this game!

Sami: I know, but the whole point of our meetings is to bring out the worst in our favorite games and try to fix them. Or comment them. So, let's get started. My first beef with this game is Auron.

Kyura: Auron? But why? He's probably the best character in the game!

Sami: That's the problem! He's TOO awesome! The game just isn't challenging with him.

Bakura: I disagree here! Show me an example!

Sami: An example? Okay, in the first fight, Tidus only has 320 HP, but Auron has over 1000. What's the fun in the first fight if your characters don't get the tar beaten out of them?!

Bakura: Well, maybe Tidus is just weak!

Malik: Hey, don't turn this over to Tidus!

Bakura: Why? I watched Sami play, and she got Rikku to be much stronger than he was, and she's the weakest character!

Hiei: *snicker* Not anymore!

Sami: Well, we have to take into account that that battle might've just been an example. But even so, it was a pretty crappy one. And the battle system should be pretty self-explanatory. If it isn't, we should find whoever makes the battle system and shoot them.

Azuko: Or we could shoot Ted Woolsey.

Sami: He was the translator for Final Fantasy VI. He's got nothing to do with the battle system!

Azuko: Can't we shoot him anyway?

Sami: No. Anyway, back to the point, Auron's too strong and I'm not happy with it. He only starts to pale a little bit once you get the Celestial Weapons, and that's IF you can tolerate the ridiculous tasks of getting them.

Bakura: I know. I practically banished my PS2 trying to dodge 200 lightning bolts. Whoever thought of these mundane tasks should be shot.

Azuko: So do we get that person in addition to Ted Woolsey?

Sami: ENOUGH with Ted Woolsey! If you want to shoot someone, go ahead and shoot Auron. He can take it.

Bakura: Speaking of people who think they're strong, I want to know what Yuna's deal is. People keep going on about how she's a strong summoner, but I think Donna brought up a good point. Why does such a powerful summoner need six guardians?

Malik: Maybe to cover up the fact that she can't hit a dingo to save her life.

Tsatsuki: Why doesn't she just summon her Aeon to kill it for that matter?

Sami: Because that's too easy. And it's a cheap way of making you deal with Tidus. And Yuna. And their love triangle.

Hiei: You're not talking about that scene in Macalania, are you?

Sami: That's like asking if I hate Auron. The answer is yes. That scene made me want to barf. I mean, it's cute, but who needs to see Tidus kissing Yuna? How does that have any significance to the story?

Bakura: *high pitched voice* But Saaaaami, it's to show how much they loooooove each other!

Sami: That's what FF X-2 was for. Ah, another game that should be shot down and buried in the ground.

Azuko: I'm still confused. Who do we shoot now?

Sami: ...shut up. Anyway, important or not, I still hated that scene. It was just as bad as the wedding with Yuna and Seymour. The whole thing didn't make sense. It's probably obvious, but it confused me.

Malik: Weddings are supposed to be complicated.

Sami: I don't see brides hopping off of cliffs because the groom didn't like their families.

Kyura: At least Yuna lived.

Sami: Yeah, to the sadness and depression of all. I mean, if she hated Seymour that much, why not get one of her many guardians to kill him while he had his back turned? Kimahri could've done it. Granted, he'd probably be slow as hell with it, but he'd do it.

Bakura: But isn't he your favorite character?

Sami: Between him and Lulu, it's hard to tell. You wouldn't believe how many people say Lulu sucks or Kimahri's useless. At first, I leveled them just to prove everyone wrong. Then they became my favorites when they did close to 9000 damage with a spell and everyone else was still doing only 2000. Omega Weapon, prepare to have a new butthole ripped out of you.

Bakura: Not that it's too hard to do. Didn't you beat him in less than 5 minutes?

Sami: Yeah. And that was without Lulu and Kimahri. Granted, I was probably overleveled, but who cares? I got Kimmy's ultimate Overdrive. Hey, maybe I'll use it to kill the battle manager like I mentioned earlier!

Azuko: Will it take out Ted Woolsey too?

Sami: ENOUGH WITH TED WOOLSEY! *uses Nova, ending this meeting*

Sami: Ah yes, time for my favorite show to receive its own bashing, courtesy of me!

Bakura: What!? Why would you do this?

Kaiba: Don't you like us anymore!?

Sami: Of course I do, but you have to admit, there's a lot to make fun of here.

Tsatsuki: Wait... why is Kaiba here?

Sami: Oh yeah... I forgot to mention that he's on the staff now. Deal with it.

Azuko: Oh goody...

Sami: Relax. It's for a promotional page for his company. Now, we have a choice here as to what to do. Past Bash or Present Bash.

Kyura: Why hurt all the presents?

Bakura: If you're going to mock us, might as well get MY era over with...

Sami: Woo! Who should be my first victim? I choose... SETH!

Yami: I didn't know we were copying Pokemon...

Sami: We're not. If we were, those stone tablets you used would've looked like pokeballs. Anyway, Seth, the jerk. What is with him and why did you keep him on your court?

Yami: I'd... rather not say.

Kaiba: Why not!? Do you have a problem with me?

Sami: He wouldn't be the first one. You were a grade-A asshole.

Kaiba: How?

Sami: Let me see... you yelled at Mahaado, you tried to imprison a bunch of people, you weren't nice, and you wore a dunce cap!

Kaiba: EXCUSE ME!?

Sami: You heard me. It's either that or a traffic cone. Whichever one, it looked retarted.

Kaiba: At least I didn't wear a wedding veil!

Kyura: And someone else did?

Sami: Sad to say, Mahaado did. At least he looked good in what he wore, though, Kaiba. You just looked ridiculous.

Kaiba: At least I didn't wear a dress. *glares at Yami*

Yami: IT WASN'T A DRESS!

Sami: It was short enough to be considered one.

Yami: At least I didn't wear a skirt.

Bakura: Oh, don't even go there.

Azuko: YOU wore a skirt, Bakura!?

Bakura: ...yes...

Everyone: *laughing hysterically*

Bakura: It was what was available! I was a thief, it's not like they let me BUY whatever I wanted!

Sami: Yeah, and I was the queen of England back then. Just admit you like your little skirt.

Bakura: It WAS unusually comfortable in the desert...

Yami: Okay, that's a little creepy to hear.

Bakura: At least I'm not running around in a school dress.

Yami: It wasn't a dress!

Sami: Besides, it looks nothing like a school dress. Have you seen Anzu's uniform? Doesn't look anything like Yami's clothing.

Malik: Besides, if you want a nice, flowy dress, look at Mahaado again.

Sami: Uh, I think that's actually a robe.

Bakura: Bah. You want a robe? Look at what Ahkenaden wears.

Azuko: THAT'S a robe? I thought it was a potato sack in the dumpster out back.

Sami: This was over 5000 years ago. They didn't have dumpsters.

Azuko: I bet it smelled funny.

Bakura: Okay, that's being childish. Is that the best you can do?

Sami: For now, yes. I'd make fun of Zork, but he could smite me, so I'm refraining.

Bakura: Smart move. Does this mean we make fun of the future now?

Sami: Yes.

Bakura: HOT DOG! I've been waiting to point some laughs at the little midget we call a main character.

Yami: Yugi's not that short!

Sami: Yeah. Technically, he has to be 4'9 to be a midget.

Bakura: I was actually referring to Yami.

Sami: Oh. Uh... uh oh. Bakura, you made him cry.

Bakura: And I should care? He's a crybaby. He cried every time his daddy dearest didn't pay attention to him.

Kyura: Yeah, but the ground... it's getting wet...

Malik: Not to mention his whole "I'm the Pharaoh, I'm always right" crud he pulls. News flash, he screws up in nearly every duel. It's only in the end that he pulls a trick out of his butt and wins. Illegally, might I add.

Kaiba: Yeah, I never understood that.

Sami: I think it's to show that the good guys always win.

Bakura: Then how come I got around to summoning Zork? I'm evil, I won.

Sami: No. You almost won. Just like you always almost win. Until someone pulls a trick out of their butt and kicks you back a few hundred years.

Malik: Uh... Sam, Bakura's spewing tears now, too.

Sami: Oops. No worries. I'm sure Anzu will come by and cheer him up with friendship. Because, as Yugi always reminds us, friends are what keeps us going by cheering loudly and distracting us all in a duel.

Hiei: But Bakura has no friends.

Tsatsuki: Guys, I think the room's flooding.

Sami: That's not true. He has Malik!

Malik: But didn't I banish him because he sucked so badly?

Sami: I thought it was because he lost to you. Again.

Kyura: Guys, the recording! It's sin... *recorder is sunk, ending the meeting*

Sami: Safe to assume we all hate this game?

Everyone: Yes.

Bakura: I mean, I'm sure someone somewhere actually liked this piece of garbage, but he sure doesn't live here.

Sami: If he did, we'd shoot him by now.

Azuko: Like we'd shoot...

Sami: If you bring up Ted Woolsey, you're dead.

Azuko: Sorry...

Sami: It's okay. I'd rather have bad translations over Lenna any day.

Hiei: Why? Was she that annoying?

Kyura: Oh, if you only knew...

Sami: She skipped right from mildly wussy straight into being shot-worthy. She's just not a good character. She's important, but she takes it to the extreme. She thinks everything is about her, and one scene that really pisses me off is when they need to save a dragon.

Bakura: Woo! A cliche!

Sami: They have to give it a flower, and Lenna, being the stupid kid she is, walks right into the poison grass and has to be saved... again.

Bakura: Another cliche! How wonderful.

Azuko: How many times do you end up saving her?

Sami: Probably six or seven. I lost count after the magical forest in XDeath's realm. If I were Faris, I'd be offended that I have such a dumb sibling.

Bakura: Why do you think she ran away?

Malik: I thought she was kidnapped.

Sami: She was. By a group of good samuritans whose soul purpose is to protect all of the better characters from disasters like Lenna.

Yami: Then why not take Galuf too?

Sami: He had amnesia. He didn't remember that Lenna was that annoying.

Yami: And Bartz?

Sami: Butz is just as retarded. That's why he fell in love with her. Together, their IQ was just high enough to understand what true love was.

Malik: Haha, Butz... what poor idiot named THAT child?

Bakura: Wasn't his name Drogen?

Sami: In America, yes. I bet it was something close to "Drunken" in Japan, because only a drunk person would name their child "Butz." I'm glad America redid Butz's name.

Kyura: Was there anyone who wasn't redone?

Sami: Faris's name stayed the same. But that's a good and bad thing.

Hiei: Why's that?

Sami: Because around halfway through, you find that her real name was Salsa. Again, someone in Square needs to be shot.

Azuko: I count five people on the hit list. Six, if you count Lenna.

Bakura: Can you kill a video game character?

Sami: Only in the game itself, and unfortunately, I need her.

Malik: If only they had more than four party members... I mean, Final Fantasy VI had different members to choose from! Why did they have to begin that function there!?

Sami: Cheap way to make you tolerate Lenna?

Tsatsuki: It didn't seem to do much for you.

Sami: Maybe if the rest of the game wasn't crap, I'd like her more. But honestly, between the little gold you get, the graphics, the annoying music, and the save glitch, I'm surprised I like any of the characters. Only Faris was strong enough to make it through the abyss of lameness.

Yami: Then again, only Faris is strong enough to survive most of the boss battles.

Sami: She does rock, that pirate.

Bakura: So, if you hate the game, why do you have it?

Sami: It was in Anthology. Out of pity, I decided to give it a shot. It's been three years and I can't bring myself to finish it.

Malik: I know a quick way to fix that!

Yami: How?

Malik: *takes FFV disk and shoves it into recording, ending the meeting*

Bakura: Wait... did I read this right? It must be wrong!

Kyura: Yeah! I like this game!

Sami: I do too, but it has some flaws to it that need to be addressed.

Kaiba: Such as?

Sami: Well, the level up system. At the start of the game, it's the usual "Who are you?" kind of deal. Sweet, so you get to choose to level up as a Knight, Defender, or a Mage, but that's the problem.

Malik: How?

Sami: Well, there are some abilities that you can only get with a certain class, and if you're the type of gamer I am, you'll need those!

Bakura: *laughs* Too bad you didn't know this until you read a walkthrough!

Sami: SHUT UP! Anyway, I chose to be a knight. Logical choice since I like to beat the daylights out of stuff. But, if I chose the Mage, I'd be better with Firaga, and I'd get scan at level 9, where as now I have to wait until level 15! 6 more levels! Like I have two hours to bust up some heartless punks to level up!

Tsatsuki: While this is true, it's your fault for choosing brawns over brains!

Malik: I'd rather have brawns to beat up the camera views.

Sami: Ah, another flaw... I like the whole "move the camera with L2/R2" thing, but that just wastes time and gets really annoying too. Why couldn't they add a "passive/active" mode for the camera?

Malik: Maybe they ran out of money for that when they were trying to hire Auron for KH2...

Sami: Well they should've put it in! I lost an item to the annoying camera view!

Kaiba: Relax, you could've gotten it back, couldn't you?

Sami: *tears* No! *sniffle* If you leave a room while an item or any munny is on the floor, it'll disappear!! And what if it was a key item you needed?! *crying* I LOST ABOUT 50 MUNNY AND SOMETHING SPECIAL BECAUSE OF THOSE STUPID CAMERA ANGLES!!!

Malik: I think she went nuts...

Bakura: Here's what I don't get. Disney is supposed to make little kiddie movies, but KH is actually scary at some points! Is Disney going crazy now!?

Azuko: Scary? I didn't find it scary, did you?

Sami: ...yeah...

Kyura: You did?! When?

Sami: On Destiny Island. The music was creepy and the Heartless threw me off guard.

Malik: You were afraid of those ants!?

Sami: Yeah. I kept looking for Wakka to make him slam them with his blitzball. Speaking of him, what happened to him, Tidus, and Selphie? Did they die or something?

Bakura: Maybe Wakka hit them too hard with a blitzball and in his sadness, jumped off a cliff!

Kyura: I KNEW he was a murderer!!!

Tsatsuki: ..somehow, I doubt that was it...

Sami: Yeah. Besides, Selphie's in KH2. Now, back to Disney's insanity. I like that they made everyone all buff and tough, but come on. Donald Duck casting a Firaga spell on Captain Hook just doesn't sound right. It just doesn't have the FF ring they're trying to put into the game!

Bakura: Yeah, and the fact that they made Peter Pan seem like a pansy also puts a minus onto the scoresheet I have. I mean, this is PP we're talking about! He's braver than George Washington! And he can fly!

Sami: Just like the Honey Nut Cheerios Bee!

Everyone else: ...riiiiiiiight....

Sami: And that brings us to another flaw, although I don't see how it did. Ah, the Gummi ship.

Kaiba: HEY! That's the only part of the game I like!

Sami: I know, but as soon as you get to Deep Jungle, they should've given you the Warp drive option until waiting until after Agrabah! Like I have three years to travel through the void thingy to EACH world until I finally get to the one I want!

Malik: You gotta admit it makes restocking on potions a pain... Especially since the only item shop is in Traverse Town!

Kyura: Another thing! This is a serious hardcore game! You'd think they'd have at least an item shop in every world! But no, at the most they have two item shops, and the second one isn't even really that great!

Sami: Wow, is it me or does this game have more flaws than we thought?

Bakura: I think we'd better stop the bashing before I throw this game out.

Sami: Agreed. So, one last thing. I like Disney's new style, but please, keep the kiddie characters in kiddie movies, because KH isn't recommended for anyone under 13. All in all though, we give KH a 7.5 out of 10, despite what we brought up. *ends meeting*

Sami: I assume we all know and love this game?

Bakura: Of course!

Sami: Ah, Earthbound. The game totally made on drugs!

Malik: Wait... last night you said it was made on cra...

Sami: Stop! We have to keep this site PG13. Illegal drugs aren't cool.

Malik: But you brought it up!

Sami: Because this game seriously was made on them. Look at the backgrounds in the battle screens and you'll see where I'm getting at. Match that with the equally ridiculous enemy roster, and I think you'll be seeing a psychologist when you're done.

Bakura: They even had a status ailment that made your controller act all weird.

Sami: Ah, nostalgia at its best...

Kaiba: You'll need to be more specific. What's wrong with the game, exactly? One ailment doesn't make it bash-worthy.

Sami: I know, but there's more to it than that. First, it looks normal. You play as a little kid who has to stop a local gang from bullying everyone, but once you get to Threed, everything sort of gets a little unrealistic.

Kyura: How?

Sami: There are zombies. In a town. And that town's only defense is a big circus tent. Does that seem realistic to you?

Bakura: No, but neither did Buzz Buzz.

Sami: When you think about it, Buzzy wasn't too far off the mark. Bees are incredibly hard to hit, Bakura.

Bakura: But they're not immortal! Buzz Buzz could lose 1000 HP in battle and he'd still be alive and buzzing.

Yami: But remember after you get to your friend's house after saving his brother? Buzz Buzz gets killed.

Sami: I felt so bad for that little bee. The only good thing about his death is the exposition he gives you.

Kyura: So technically, doesn't the whackiness begin there?

Sami: Maybe, but the zombie thing still tops the cake. I mean, even in the end of the game, when you're turned into a robot, I'm still wondering how those zombies got loose.

Bakura: Maybe someone used Life on them.

Sami: They can't. This isn't a Final Fantasy game, and that Life spell is copyrighted to them. And copyrights are a pain to pay off.

Yami: Besides, wouldn't they just be normal people if someone used Life?

Sami: It's not like we'll know, because as soon as you figure out how to stop them, that's it. They're hauled off to a volcano and dumped off to never be seen or bother people again.

Bakura: Mmmm, burned flesh...

Sami: I couldn't tell what was worse? Those zombies or hiking through the sewers.

Malik: Ew. Sewer is a smell you can't wash off. Zombies at least can be burned. Sewer smell can't.

Kaiba: How would you know this!?

Malik: Uh...

Sami: Malik?

Malik: I... might've fallen into one a long time ago.

Sami: Egypt has sewers!?

Yami: Well, not "sewers" exactly. More like "really old aqueducts."

Malik: No, I'm sure we have sewers somewhere.

Kyura: They're probably nicer than the ones in Earthbound. I mean, those ones had garbage floating in them.

Sami: ...Ky, it's a sewer. ALL sewers have garbage in them. But what makes these EB sewers so disgusting is that your characters are practically sinking in sewage. I personally don't want or need to see that.

Kaiba: I'm surprised the food you carry around in place of potions don't spoil in the sewers.

Bakura: I bet it'd be awesome if they did! It'd definitely make the game realistic.

Sami: But then the food might actually kill your character.

Yami: And? There are foods that kill people. If they're allergic to them, anyway.

Sami: So you're saying you want a game where you can get a game over by keeping restorative items?

Bakura: It'd be pretty ironic, though.

Sami: That's like saying it'd be funny if someone's attack went up from being insulted.

Azuko: But that can happen! I mean, if you're...

Sami: I mean, I guess in a way, turning into a wuss after being yelled at is true, but look at this. In a battle, there's an attack called "Say something Nasty" that reduces a character's strength. Now, if I were insulted, that idiot would be dead. No questions asked, he'd be down on the floor in five seconds. But no, here, if you're insulted, you lose 3 - 10 GUTS points depending on how much of a wimp you are.

Tsatsuki: What's sad is that after a while, that little attack could make it really hard to win the fight.

Sami: Thankfully only two or three monsters have this attack. Well, it might be due to lack of playing the game in years, but I'm beginning to run out of things to say. Does anyone have anything to add?

Bakura: I do! Can I borrow the drugs used on this game?

Sami: Uh... no. You can't. *turns off recording, ending the meeting*

Sami: Okay, I forgot how much this game lacked until my sis downloaded the ROM and I, out of curiousity, started it up.

Malik: Yeah, can you say "made by 5-year-olds?"

Kyura: Oh, I'm sure it can't be that bad!

Sami: Oh, it's pretty bad. I played it for four hours and finally gave up on it because I couldn't handle the graphics for it.

Bakura: Yeah, it's a SNES game, but the graphics would say it's an NES game, if they could talk.

Hiei: And sad thing is, it was originally going to be called Tecmo's Super RPG.

Kaiba: Are you sure they didn't mean Tecmo's Stupid RPG and just got the translation wrong from the original Japanese?

Sami: Eh, don't get me wrong, the battle scenes were okay, and the names they gave enemies were kind of hysterical.

Bakura: I thought they were just stupid.

Sami: Well, they were, but come on! You gotta love a bad guy named BadBad. I mean, I almost feel sorry for BadBad. He was cursed with being ugly and having the worst name ever thought of.

Tsatsuki: I prefer the Japanese version where his name was more appropriate to Madman. Also, the names just sounded so much better there! I mean, yeah, Cat Boo is cute, but Dora Cat Buu sounds so much cooler.

Malik: Cat Boo? BadBad? Wow, it must've taken the creators if this game YEARS to think of these names!

Bakura: And it must've taken CENTURIES for the plot! At one town, everyone is a dog! And the cause? A DOG PILL! I NEVER would've thought of THAT! The creators are so creative!

Hiei: I can hear the wheels turning in their minds right now...

Sami: *as wheels* SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!!

Kyura: Exactly. Nothing was going on in there when this horrible game was created.

Tsatsuki: Yeah, especially seeing as how we needed a walkthrough to figure out what half the items in the game actually did. Like... Bread, for example. In the game, it says "it tastes good. Restores health." But how much health? I mean, if it's overpriced, you'd expect it to heal tons of HP. Boy was Sami pissed when she had to pay 100G for a piece of bread that only healed ten HP.

Sami: Can you blame me!? I got a game over thanks to the fine descriptions the editors at Tecmo gave us!

Bakura: Hey, at least there's a good point in the game. The music was pretty good.

Sami: *totally ignoring Bakura* I mean, it takes FOREVER to get 20G near the first town, so 100G is just unfair! And the save points aren't even explained! You've gotta talk to Uncle Sam and have him save your game and if you don't know who he is, you're screwed! No explanation on who he is, either! I got a game over and had to start from the beginning!

Malik: Wow, you hold this kind of stuff in a lot, don't you?

Sami: Eh, I stopped playing after I kept dying from the first boss, which was... CAT BOO!

Kyura: ^^ I love Cat Boo!

Sami: Who doesn't? I just still wished they gave him a better name... No, I take it back, I wish they gave EVERYONE on there a better name.

Bakura: But the...

Hiei: We made it clear that the creators were retarded when they made this game, didn't we?

Bakura: But..

Sami: Even so, I still...

Bakura: Can I PLEASE say something!?

Sami: Go ahead.

Bakura: There's a good point to the game. Its music wasn't bad. The world map theme was actually catchy.

Everyone else: No it wasn't.

Sami: I admit, the themes were cute, but compared to what was coming out at that time, say Chrono Trigger or Final Fantasy VI, the music scores in this game kind of sucked.

Tsatsuki: So, besides Cat Boo, do we actually have anything good to say about this game?

Kaiba: Sure doesn't seem like it...

Bakura: I still say I liked the music...

Sami: Yeah, but we still let you on the team anyway. So, before my poor head leaks stupid juice, I think I'll end this short bashing with the fact that... well, the game is too short, so the length of this bashing suits it pretty well.

Malik: And as far as systems go, this is really an NES game when you think about it. So, unless you're Bakura, don't download it.

Sami: And if you're Bakura, you're gonna be disappointed because this game's music was so bad that I can't find MIDI files for it anywhere!

Bakura: HOW DARE YOU ALL MOCK ME FOR MY TASTE IN MUSIC!!! *banishes random things, including this recording, ending it*

Sami: After bashing an awesome show like Yu-Gi-Oh, I think I owe it to you guys to bash the horrible spinoff they have.

Bakura: Thank you. May I start?

Sami: I won't stop you.

Bakura: First of all, I'm morally offended with this horrible piece of crud they stuck our title name to!

Yami: Not only that, but they made half of the cast look like either clones of us, or combinations of two older cast members. Just look at Sho. You know there's some part of Yugi's DNA in him.

Kaiba: This ain't Clone Wars, people. Whatever happened to originality?

Sami: I think it was lost when Kazuki Takahashi ended the original Yu-Gi-Oh. He didn't create Genex.

Kyura: He... he didn't!?

Sami: I don't think he did. If he did, he sure needs some help with plot design, and if he didn't, he should sue for copyright infringement. Because aside from stealing looks, the show's stealing character names, too. Zane Truesdale? His actual Japanese name is RYOU. Now, I'm sorry, but this pisses me off. There should only be one Ryou, and he shouldn't be a freaking nutjob for losing a duel or two.

Bakura: Right! Instead, he should be a nutjob because of the nifty ring hanging on his neck.

Sami: Bakura, do I need to bring up your string of losses again?

Bakura: ...no.

Tsatsuki: I think we should be grateful they didn't redo the duel system or rules again. Battle City was good, at least it improved the game, but another redux would've made me burn my deck.

Sami: Yeah, but look at how many cruddy spinoff cards they threw in?

Kaiba: Example?

Sami: Winged fscking Kuriboh. They took a cute monster, gave him strap-on wings, and decided to make him a one-of-a-kind card. Then there's Insect Princess. I'm sure somewhere, Haga sprayed something with aerosol just to get rid of his blind rage. Whatever happened to the good cards like Dark Magician or Flame Swordsman?

Hiei: At least the God Cards lived.

Sami: Not in the sense we wanted. They've been turned into dorm room names instead of actual dueling cards. And the order is screwed to the point of egotism, Kaiba.

Kaiba: Why're you mad at me!?

Azuko: Technically, you built the duel academy, where the story takes place, and the dorms are symbolic of your feelings. Slifer belonged to Yami, so he's the third, and lowest rank. Then comes Ra, who really should be first, and then Obelisk is the best, which is the card you had. Can you say "egomaniacal?"

Kyrua: Is that even a word?

Sami: Who cares? If Genex is allowed to screw up everything YGO worked for, we can make up a word.

Yami: Two wrongs don't make a right.

Bakura: But three rights make a left!

Yami: ...right. Anyway, what really makes me mad is that hack of a loser they put in to almost give Genex an Egyptian feeling. Abidos the Third, world's worst duelist and Egypt's most vain ruler. I'm offended with Genex's poor attempt to put in some vague reminder of what I was.

Sami: Wow, I'd have thought you'd be offended with that little Ancient Egypt spoof they put in the pilot episode where Juudai was wearing your dress.

Yami: Wait... THEY DID WHAT!?

Malik: You're telling us you didn't see it?

Yami: If I did, many, MANY people would be shot right now. Or banished. Or dead in general.

Azuko: How many people are on the hit list now?

Sami: More than enough. Most of them are still from SquareSoft, too. Now that I think about it, I bet Genex could improve with one of the marks we have from Square. Maybe Genex would finally get a plot that made actual sense.

Bakura: I remember, way back in Duelist Kingdom, we were kind of straggling for a plot.

Sami: That straightened up really quickly in Battle City. Besides, you always had a plot. You had the Sennen Items. All Genex has are crappy little reduxes of the Sennen Items in yet another attempt to give us all a Yu-Gi-Oh feel.

Yami: Are they just milking those poor items for what they're worth!?

Sami: Maybe they realize how truly terrible Genex actually is, and that none of us would even watch it unless there was something from the past that could grip us.

Tsatsuki: It's just too bad they had to screw it up by making seven MORE Sennen items instead of keeping the ones you had.

Malik: But didn't those fall into the sand?

Sami: Doesn't matter. That's what shovels and cranes are for. Why should we suffer because they didn't think of this?

Hiei: Maybe they had to appeal to a younger fanbase.

Sami: That's what Pokemon is for. They should've just left Yu-Gi-Oh as is, with Yugi going on and growing up and NOT making a spinoff at all.

Bakura: Whatever happened to Yugi, anyway? Didn't he go missing at one point?

Sami: Yeah, but I stopped watching after that was mentioned. It's bad enough they pulled the spoof in the beginning. I'm not risking watching one of my favorite characters being ripped apart by Genex's plot.

Yami: It probably wasn't that bad.

Sami: Yugi looked like you, sounded like you, and pretty much seemed to turn INTO you. That's not bad?

Yami: It's better than being completely ignored or replaced.

Kyura: Wow, do we even have anything good to say about Genex?

Sami: No. And I never will. I admit, maybe I should watch Genex now that it's past Season 2, which was taken off here, but should I waste my time? I mean, I hated it at the start, what'll be there to make me like it?

Azuko: There's Yubel.

Sami: If anything, it makes the whole thing worse. I'd rather be watching my dog take a crap on the sidewalk than watch a mutated, melded combination of Malik Ishtar and Bakura. I mean, I was curious when I found an article on Yubel, but then I became really pissed off when I saw the picture of it. So, no, Yubel doesn't help.

Tsatsuki: Maybe we should stop, then. If all we're doing is bashing the show, the fans might come and lynch us.

Sami: You have a point. I don't want to come in and see you all dead for my opinion. *ends recording*