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Final Fantasy X - Breaking it down, Norris Style.

Ahhh... one of my favorite games for the PS2. I don't know personally whether I should feel bad or not for doing this, but that's another story for much later, so let's do this. Okay, so when you start this game up, it looks all nice, there's some funky rock music playing in the background, the main character turns out to be another Cloud/Squall hybrid mix, and you get to see just what sort of graphics this game offers. Pretty sweet, and I admit that the graphics really were what drew me in. Considering that the last Final Fantasy game I had the misfortune of playing was VIII, and I completely ignored IX, you can bet I was pretty psyched when I saw this. But, shortly after the beautiful CG sequence, I found the first snag within the game.

Bakura: Did it crash like VIII used to?

Not exactly, thank god. If it did, I'd have to go down to Square Enix and shoot someone. No, this snag is a continuous problem in the game, and its name is 'Auron.' Now, before you get defensive and pelt me with hate mail, take it from my point of view. I just started the game, I'm in my first fight, I'm pretty sure I'm about to get my ass kicked, and what do I find? Auron has over 1000 HP, and he kills the monster in one blow. Now, maybe I'm kicking a good gift in the mouth, but that just seems a little anticlimactic to me. Here I am, totally willing to get a GAME OVER because I have no idea what the hell I'm doing or how to even use the controls, and Square sends fscking He-Man over to hold my hand in case I get a little boo-boo. Which I didn't, of course. Granted, the battle was more of a tutorial instead of an actual battle, but come on. This isn't Tactics Advanced. If I can't figure out a battle system on a pretty standard RPG, then I need to go down to Square Enix and have a little talk with the boys there.

Speaking of battle, while we're at it, can I complain about the level-up system? Don't get me wrong. I love customization. I love teaching a White Mage the awesomeness that is Flare. But what I don't love is not gaining actual levels, and having to remember to equally level up all of my characters at once so that, if something bad happens, I have some back up. I mean, Final Fantasy VII didn't have this problem. If you decided to leave Tifa and Aeris in the background for seven years on level 5, and decided suddenly that you NEED to use them when your main guy is on level 50, there's no worry. They automatically leveled up to keep in rythym with you. But FFX doesn't have that, so if you hate Rikku and Wakka, and find that you're in a scenario where they're forced into your party, and you're facing a huge boss and all they have is 400 HP to their name, you're screwed! I don't like that! I don't like having to switch around my party so that everyone gets a little bit of EXP. I want to be able to use whoever I want and know that, if disaster strikes, I won't be stuck using weaklings and I won't need to do hours upon hours of tiring level-building. I have to do that enough on Pokemon, I don't want to do it on Final Fantasy either!

Yami: Uh... isn't that kind of the point of an RPG, though?

Says the guy who's been sleeping in dirt for three thousand years. Okay, enough complaining about the level system. Where was I? Oh, yes, after the first battle and into story progression. I'm not going to go into huge detail and explain every little facet of this plot, because if I did, we'd be here for a million years. In short, the plot of the game is basically thrown in my face within the first hour of the game. A monster named Sin is stomping around Spira's realm like a big playground, and as the hero of the game, it's my duty to find a way to kill him. Goody. Stop a giant monster? In Final Fantasy? I totally didn't see that coming. The good news is, the plot's actually pretty decent. It's not really going from point A to point B, there are some nice side quests and storylines to watch, but the main point is, Sin's a bastard and I have to take him down. Thankfully, as with all good video games, I won't need to do this alone. And that's good, because if I were Auron, I wouldn't be putting my faith in Tidus at all. In fact, I'd take his Masamune and spear Tidus with it, but that's probably because I ended up using Tidus for about two hours before finally getting my favorite characters. After that, I kind of just dumped him in the background and didn't think too much of it.

Bakura: Wow, no wonder you rely on the automatic leveling up system VII had.

Yeah, that was before I actually understood how the grid system really worked. So, I managed to get nearly all of the characters in about one hour into the game. That's cool, because I really don't like Tidus. This is where we see that the beloved Character Class is thrust upon us yet again, with Lulu being the stereotypical 'black mage,' and Yuna being the 'white mage.' Wakka and Kimahri don't really appear to have specific roles as a whole, though I will say Kimahri probably serves as the much-less known 'blue mage,' because his Overdrive lets him use enemy attacks. Pretty sweet. The only downside is, there are only a few enemy attacks he can learn, so if you want to catch them all, you'll need to Lancet every little thing that moves. Brings me back to FFVI, where every enemy seemed to have an attack that could be learned.

Moving on, the characters in and of themselves were pretty interesting, though I'll admit more than half of them could've used a better backstory. Only Yuna, Tidus, and Auron seems to really tie into the plot of the game, and everyone else's seems to refer to some small side quest or some part that's only vaguely mentioned. Yuna, as we see when we first get her, is the daughter of this legendary mage named Braska, and is on her own journey to stop Sin. Considering that Braska is the uber-mage, my first observation is that Yuna has about six or seven bodyguards, and the normal summoner has maybe two or three. Can you spell inconsistency here? I mean, honestly, that kind of messaging is a little contradicting. I can understand Kimahri being a definite bodyguard, because he watched over Yuna since she was small. But come on. She has two blitzball players, a magician, a thief, a lion, and the uber-death as her bodyguards. It sounds more like a circus freakshow than a team of hardy heroes. But it does round out the character classes, so I don't complain.

Kaiba: But you ARE complaining. A lot.

And now I'm ignoring you. Okay, so I've commented on the plot and on the characters. Now I'd like to do my favorite segment review: weaponry. I love weaponry, and for me, it's one of the best staples in any game, except for puzzles because those don't require the use of swords to solve. The weapons in this game seemed pretty unimpressive at first, but after a while, when you get the ability to synthesize items and materials to add effect to weapons, you're going to love all the combinations you can make. I mean, I did, and I'm not an easy person to please sometimes. Of course, this means you'll probably need to rely on Rikku alot because of her Mug ability, but I like Rikku. She's funny, and she's cute. Besides, when you finally get to making a sword that does well over 10k of damage and allows you to have infinite MP, you'll realize the true glory of Auron's character developement. It's better than getting their ultimate weapons, anyway.

Let me start by telling you how much of a pain in the ass those Ultimate Weapon quests are. I admit that some of these were fun, and some were actually easy, but still... I think I'd rather have fought Omega Weapon, Chaos, Ultimecia, Atma, and Chopun all at the same time than do these. Do I really want to spend three hours dodging lightning bolts just to get a doll that I can probably remake at the Monster Arena, and make even better? How about winning 200 blitzball games for Wakka? I don't even know how to win Blitzball, either! Hell, I nearly beat the game and never even played it once, save for the few times when it's a mandatory part of the story. I'm telling you, these quests aren't even worth it most of the time. Not for the headache you get. I'll admit, getting Auron and Yuna's weapons were easy, but those are probably the only ones I'd go for. Everything else should just be remade.

Another point of complaint I'd like to make is the romantic interest in this game. Again, don't lynch me here. I understand there was supposed to be a love triangle between Tidus and Yuna, and it's cute, but there's one scene in particular I can't stand. If you remember Macalania Woods, you'll see what I'm talking about. I kind of get the symbolism, but I don't need to see two people making out on a video game. Besides, weren't they underwater? How the hell could they breathe? The only scene that possibly topped that was the wedding between Yuna and Seymour. I swear, I was probably laughing the second time I watched this. For once, Tidus actually has enough intelligence to do something right. Granted, it's crashing a wedding, but come on. That's funny. Yuna even jumps off a cliff. Unfortunately, she doesn't die. She gets saved by her Aeons, and everything's all bright and happy again. It's just too bad no one stabbed Seymour while he was watching. That'd have made me smile. Kimahri could've done it, too. I got him so bolstered with strength that while everyone else was still doing 2000 points of damage, he was cranking out 9000 points of pure destruction. Omega Weapon, you shall be owned.

Which brings me to one of the last parts of my overview. Ironic that it's Omega Weapon. Can you say 'watered-down Ultima Weapon?' Because honestly, that's what this guy is. I literally beat him in five minutes, and if you did what I did (even if you didn't), you can too. Part of the fun for Final Fantasy is finding this mythical beast of agony and slay him, but what fun is it if you kill him in three turns because you used Ultima, Holy, and Bushido attacks all in one turn? I was sourly disappointed, because I really expected to be met with a challenge that'd take me hours to finish. Chaos, you will be missed forever in my heart. The only good things to this fight was the fact that I was able to steal some nifty items and get Kimhari's ultimate Overdrive, Nova. It's like watching space fall apart right on the comfort of your couch. But, when I beat Omega, I come to find that, holy hell of hells, it's just a clone! No wonder he was so easy.

Unfortunately, his second round wasn't much better, either. Now with Nova added to my arsenal, I manage to beat him again in about ten minutes. All he really had going for him was more HP. That isn't going to help him, considering that by that time, I had weapons with the Break Damage Limit which allowed me to do 10 - 20K of damage in one move. Stack that up, and that's nearing 30K a turn if all three characters charge head on. And don't worry; all hits were applied directly to the forehead. Subsequently, that forehead fell off, too. So did my excitement. That battle was just no fun. Maybe I was too over-leveled, but I wish the battle was like Sephiroth: as you get stronger, so does he. That way, I could've actually felt a sense of accomplishment from finally knocking Omega six ways to Sunday.

Now for the last part of my review: the ending. After you go through the game and do this and that... and that... and that, you finally reach the end. What, you thought I was reviewing everything!? That's what Google and walkthroughs are for, my friends. Anyway, after reaching the end, you finally get to learn what Sin is. Guess what? Sin's your daddy. No wonder he never succeeding in killing you! Looks like daddy dearest wasn't a total bastard, after all. Unfortunately, right when Tidus and his dad finally see eye-to-eye, guess what you need to do now? That's right, it's time for dad to die. This part actually made me really sad, because not only do you kill the best character in the game, you also need to fight about seven or eight boss battles before the end finally comes. And you can't save in between. Now that's a challenge I like to take. Thankfully, there's one saving grace here: when you finally reach the end boss, you're going to realize that there are several screwed up things about this final battle of yours. One, you don't appear to be able to die. You'll always have Auto-Life on you, and personally, I find that a little lame. That's something Aqutalion would pull. Second, Yu Yevon doesn't appear to attack at all. He just cures himself, and he always cures 9999 HP. Again, Chaos, you are not forgotten, even twenty years after your debut. Third, if you use Reflect on Yu Yevon, you've pretty much won the battle, since he'll end up curing you and he'll never actually do anything important. I guess the end cutscenes make up for it, because I did start crying a little, but still. The fight left me disappointed.

Still considering, though, FFX is one of my favorite PS2 games, and probably my second favorite Final Fantasy game. And that, my friends, is the end of my long, drawn out complaint against FFX.

Yu-Gi-Oh! - Kickin' it to the curb, like Bruce Lee.

Ohhh boy, a long review in the making for this. I'd been watching this show since the first episode aired back in 2001, and when I first saw it, I thought it was the best piece of crap 4KIDS could've come out with. And when I watched some episodes back in '06, I began to realize that this show isn't really overly good. I mean, seriously, the manga's a lot better. Maybe that's because 4KIDS didn't butcher the manga. But I digress. Anyway, let's get going. At first glance, this anime seems to be about a card game. A simple, rather addictive card game. And I admit, for the first season, the DK Saga, that's what it is. Not too badly portrayed, and I actually think it might've been my favorite arc. But after a while, they decided to gradually introduce the real plot of the story: to find Yugi's ancient memories. But here's the problem. Those memories are in Egypt. And for whatever reason, that's not mentioned until around the middle of the Battle City arc. That kind of contradicts the first season, because there's no real mention of that, save for the little bit of exposition Bakura gave in the few episodes he actually managed to be in.

Bakura: So I WAS useful for something!

Yeah, for losing. But I'll get to that later. In the manga, it's pretty much told from the beginning that Yugi eventually needs to travel to Egypt, so why did they wait until half the series was over to introduce that little plot point in on the anime? I mean, that confused the hell out of me! Not that there was much to be confused by, since the plot was pretty straightforward anyway, but still. I like to know what's going on half the time I watch an anime. Thankfully, after the DK Saga ended and Battle City began, the plot began to tighten a little. And little is the keyword here, because even with the plot, it was lacking a little.

Yami: Excuse me!? Tell me how so.

Dude... you're looking for your lost memories. Which no one except the bad guys know about. And you have to duel them to get those memories. And once you do, you die. Does that sound like a good plot to you?

Yami: No...

Didn't think so. Anyway, the villains of the series weren't too bad. I liked Pegasus. I thought he was the best original villain. He had a decent reason to try and kill Yugi. Granted, it was probably stemmed from insanity, with a touch of moldy cheese, but it was funny. I mean, seriously? Using souls to revive your dead wife? That has to be the best reason anyone has to DUEL to the death. The only thing better was in ULTIMA II: Runes of Virtue, when the villain terrorizes the heroes because he's bored. This basically seemed to be the premise with Pegasus until you find out, at the end of his arc, just why he felt a need to duel a bunch of little kids. That part was sad. And it actually provided some interesting backstory to Pegasus.

Bakura wasn't a bad villain, either, except that he lost almost every single duel he fought. The one time he did win, it didn't really matter because he lost immediately after, anyway. I don't even think three episodes went by before he lost. In the manga, his plans go much, much better, but 4KIDS really watered him down. I'll admit, when he trapped Yugi and the gang into their monster cards, that was kind of cool. But 4KIDS ruined it when they gave Yami Yugi the one-time power of the Millennium Puzzle being able to put a person's soul back into its original body. Can you say 'cheapskate?' That was the worst one-time skill ever. I mean, come on. Not even Pokemon would've pulled that crap, and they're all about the good guys winning so little kids don't cry about it. And if that wasn't bad enough, Bakura fails all his other attempts, too. He lost against Yami, he lost the Battle City finals, he lost against Malik, and then he lost against Yami again. Hell, he didn't even really summon Zork before Yami kicked his ass and sent him home in a body bag! I know I said he won one duel, but that seems like such a small acheivement. Because he won against a little kid. And what kind of heartless jerk bullies little kids!?

Bakura: So aside from being a loser, I'm also a jerk? Wow, I have a lot going for me, don't I?

Hey, you almost made it, Bakura. You managed to summon Zork. You also got your ass kicked five seconds later, but you almost made it.

Bakura: That... that's so comforting...

You're welcome. Now, Malik was probably the most dangerous villain in the series, because he was pretty much born from insanity squared. Bakura's backstory was sad, but Malik's was just depressing. I can't say I don't sympathize, though. If I had to spend twelve years of my life in a tomb, with no one but cobwebs to talk to, I'd probably go insane, too. And guess what? That's exactly what happens, too. Now, in terms of horror, that's pretty cool, but unfortunately for me, 4KIDS dubbed out any blood that would've been seen. And that's just not fair. I mean, the manga scene for this actually kind of freaked me out. But did the anime show this? Definitely not in America. So, all we really saw was Malik lying in bed, talking about how much he hates the pharaoh and never wants to see his ugly face.

Malik: HEY! This isn't even true! You saw me BEFORE the ceremony, too!

Yeah, we saw you get dragged away. How lame was that? So, after Malik births the Uber-Evil, he decides to take over and screw his family into an even deeper tomb than they live in by killing his own father. But don't worry, because after serving divine justice, Rishid comes and stops Malik's massive ownage spree before he kills his sister. And conveniently, Malik doesn't even remember what he did, and blames it on Yami again. Not that Yami even did anything, since he was probably still locked up in the puzzle, but who the hell am I to complain? I wanted to blame my shitty dueling skillz on Yami, too, so it's not like I blame Malik or anything. After that, we don't really know what Malik does for a few years until he decides that, six years later, it's the PERFECT time to go and try to kill Yugi. My question is, how the hell did he know Yugi even had the puzzle!? What, was he psychic?

Yami: I thought the items all resonated to each other, like telekinesis.

Screw that shit, man. Even if that's true, there should be a range limit or something on those things. I mean, YUGI didn't know when Bakura decided to leap out of a bush and terrorize him, and it's not like Yugi knew Rishid wasn't Malik, either, so I'd chalk that one up to being psychic or a stalker. So, Malik uses a bunch of, in my opinion, ugly idiots to try and get his work done, and when that fails, he decides to head right to the finals his own way and dispose of Yugi there. Guess what? That fails, too. Not as badly as Bakura, but still, he failed.

Malik: I was close! I nearly won!

Yeah, until Rishid stopped you AGAIN. After that, you decided to see the errors of your insane ways and banished your evil side to kingdom come in the most anti-climactic way. After that, the only other villain worth my time is Zork. And he was cool. He nearly ripped Egypt apart trying to destroy Yami. Until, of course, Yami kicked Bakura's ass again and sent Zork back to the abyss.

Sithree: What about Noa, Dartz and Von Schroeder?

Uh, those guys were fillers. Von Schroeder wasn't even evil. He was just a jerk. Dartz was okay, but honestly, his arc made about as much sense as putting beef stock in vegetarian soup. The fact that they soiled the myth of Atlantis for him makes me hate him even more. At least Disney tried to be a little truthful when they butchered Atlantis. 4KIDS didn't even care. And Noa? Please. He's Kaiba's HALF-BROTHER, and he, like Malik, turned over to the side of good anyway.

Ugh... okay, back to the plot. About mid-Battle City, they must've had a hard time with animation, because out of nowhere, they decide to plop Noa's Arc right in front of us. And I kid you not, everyone refers to it that way, too. It is NOT a bible reference, and I do NOT own copyrights to it. Now, this arc was both stupid and a bunch of nonsense in my opinion. It sheds some light on Kaiba's background, but other than that, it really doesn't do much of anything. We learn Kaiba was adopted to replace some greedy bastard's dead son who, hopefully, was hit with a truch while chasing the ice cream man. Now that's just sad. And even worse, the father was so out of his mind that he put his son's brain in a computer to keep forever. Noa, of course, isn't as cool with this, and after ten years, he decides he wants revenge. He drags Kaiba's ship underwater and sends his minions to duel everyone. The good news is, he does actually manage to defeat someone. The bad news? It's Honda, the show's worst duelist. I mean, hell, even Shizuka did better than he did, and she NEVER dueled in her life. That's just sad.

When Noa duels Yami, he turns Kaiba and Mokuba to stone. That part was awesome. Then it has to be ruined when Yami reverses the curse, and Kaiba runs off to fight his father. In a fit of stupidity, everyone else follows him until Noa denounces his evil ways and helps them to escape. He and Mokuba have a nice, little brotherly chat before Noa sacrifices himself to save them all. Unfortunately, Yami and Kaiba were both too stupid to get the memo to GTFO the virtual world Noa trapped them in. Don't worry, they do escape. But when they do, Noa's ship goes DOWN.

Back to Battle City. At this point, there's not much to say. Kaiba decides to screw the rules and have a duel royale to determine who faces who next. For the record, I doubted it would've mattered anyway, because in the end we all know Yami would've won, even if the other three held him at gunpoint. Because that's how 4KIDS rolls. And guess what? Yami did win. Not because he dueled particularly well, but because Malik decided he didn't like being evil anymore, and with Rishid's help, used his Twin Powerz to banish his dark side to the... well, dark side. After that, he coughs up the God cards, and everyone runs away after Kaiba, for no apparent reason, decides to just up and blow the island apart. Imagine my sadness when no one died.

Now, in the manga, they go straight to the Memory Arc, but for some reason, 4KIDS threw Dartz and Von Idiot at us, so I might as well mention them. They're filler villains. I don't remember whose arc went first, but I'm pretty sure it was Dartz's. He's pissed because of Atlantis and the pharaoh, and some other piece of crap no one cares about. So, for no reason other than to seriously mess with our heads, he sends one of his goons to beat Pegasus up, and when Yugi hears of it, he has to make sure his old BFF is okay. When he finds Pegasus is just a hologram, Pegasus tells him what really happened. After that, a bunch of stuff I didn't even really watch happened, but it probably wasn't too important. I don't even think the arc had more than twenty episodes. All you need to know is that Yugi's soul was taken, Yami broke down, and then Yami prevailed when Dartz decided to pull a Malik and realize the error of his ways. Damn! Yami was so close to losing, too, and 4KIDS had to take that away from me!

Yami: Should I be worried that you sound happy?

No. You should shut up. So, anyway, immediately after that, Kaiba decides to throw a grand prix. Don't jump for joy, because it had nothing to do with cars. Sorry, Speed Racer, but you won't be making your comeback here. Kaiba's idea of a grand prix is with dueling. It's basically a crappier version of Battle City, with a bunch of idiots replacing Bakura, Malik, Mai, Rishid, and Isis. Oh, and Rebecca returns, too. Now, I could go to great depth here, but I won't. Again, I hated this arc. It shows us how much of an ass Kaiba is, because apparently he STOLE this guy's idea for the dueldisk long ago, in a galaxy far away. Now, this guy wasn't too happy, so he decided that Kaiba's tournament was the BEST way to knock Kaiba down. It happened... what, six years ago? I think he needs to get over it. But he doesn't, so he goes to nearly insane lengths to hurt Kaiba's ego. But surprise and shock, he loses too. By seeing the error of his ways. Is it me or do the bad guys do that a lot? Now that I think about it, Bakura was the only one with the spine to stay on the dark side.

Now we return to the actual plot of the show. Now we're in for the memory arc, and I have to say this is a really, really good arc considering. The only flaw was that Bakura lost. I like Bakura. Anyway, the opening is of Ryuzaki and Haga, the most annoying secondaries in the world, stealing the God Cards. Yugi and Yami run off to get them back, but for once, Bakura decides to be a hero and smacks Ryuzaki in the head, thusly saving the cards. He scolds Yugi for it and then tells him all this shit about the pharaoh's memory and the items. Yugi leads his merry team to the museum to see the stone slab. Now, in the manga, Ryou was rejected by Bobasa because of Bakura, but in the show, Ryou makes no appearance whatsoever. So, anyway, Yugi and his friends head right to the world of Memories and see what happened 3,000 years prior. The answer? Nothing really good. They land right between a war: Yami vs. Bakura once again. But this time, it's severely in Bakura's favor. Bakura appears to be both in the memory world and out, which is kind of awesome because he basically Godmodes himself. Now, the part about Bakura's past was upsetting, because it proves he's not really evil so much as just really, really angry. In the manga, he brings up a lot of good points concerning good and evil, but in the show, he's just evil through and through. I almost wished Yami found out what actually happened so someone somewhere sympathized with Bakura, but that wasn't the case.

Okay, before I go on and spoil everything for you, can I start by complaining about the dresswear? Seriously? I mean, I kind of get that what was worn in the show might be what was really worn in Egypt, but honestly, some of the characters just looked ridiculous. Mahaado, I admit, looked kind of cool. But I hated his veil, because it kind of reminded me a little bit of a bride's veil. And Seth seemed to alternate between wearing a dunce cap or a mushroom on his head.

Kaiba: It was NOT a mushroom! What the hell are you, blind!?

Trust me, Kaiba, it was shaped like a mushroom to me. Besides, at least you weren't wearing a skirt like Bakura was.

Bakura: Excuse me!? First of all, wench, that wasn't a skirt-skirt. That was a man-skirt and it was customary wear in Egypt! It was perfectly legal!

Good to know Egypt and Takahashi combined forces to advocate cross-dressing! What with Atemu's dress, and the amount of women who cosplay Bakura, I wouldn't be surprised if you guys started a revolution!

Bakura: Enough with the dresswear. Get back to the review.

Fair enough. Where was I? Oh, yes, Bakura being evil and getting killed for it. Eventually, after a bunch of memory-related drugs and herbs supplied by the high priests events occur, Atemu realizes that he's been double-crossed! Not directly, but when Bakura begins telling him how the items were made, he starts hallucinating and hearing voices in his head. At this point, he seems to be able to hear Yugi, his father, and Shadi another mysterious character, so I'm not sure I trusted what was said to him then. But basically you go into some flashbacks where we see that, shock and surprise, it was Ahkenaden that created those seven abominations, and not Atemu's father, Ahknamkanon, after all! Wow, so evil twins do exist! In the show, the flashbacks are cut drastically, but the manga again supplies a better detailing. Either way, now we know Ahkenaden's a bastard. A bunch of bad things happen, a few priests die, and Atemu falls off a cliff before it cuts back to what is considered the 'real' world, where Bakura and Yami banter for a bit, as if nothing's really going on and everything's peachy keen.

Now, let's just stop here and take a step back for some logic. So, we have Bakura in the 'real' world, Bakura in the memory arc as the Thief King, and soon we'll be having Bakura running after Yugi and friends to try and stop them. HOW many Bakuras are there, exactly? I mean, this part didn't make too much sense to me, but maybe it made some more sense to you. Anyway, Bakura will say some ominous crap about his little 'game,' but Yami won't take that well and is absolutely pissed that Bakura's playing by his rules cheating. I think he's just mad he didn't find a way to cheat first, but that's just me. When it spins back to the memory arc, we see that Atemu's not doing so well. Then again, I probably wouldn't be if I fell off a cliff somewhere, either. He struggles, and then in struts the Uber-Guard to tell him that he's safe and needs to rest. This is the guy Atemu heard in his head before, I think. The guy just leaves, and Atemu, like an idiot, decides he has to help everyone despite nearly being dead himself. He makes his way to Kul Elna, where the final battlefield is.

Somehow, though, he managed to get there even faster on foot than everyone else, who came on horseback. Just thought to point that one out. After everyone gets irked out by the ghost town, they find Bakura hiding in a basement in one of the houses (okay, it's a temple, but who cares? It's underground). Looks like he's got most of the Items, but Atemu just can't have that. Diabound comes to smash the very building Bakura is standing in, but it's not like that does any good anyway. After Diabound is blasted to kingdom come again, Bakura can barely stand up, but he manages to open the door to darkness. And he dies from it again, but this time, Zork won't be helping him get back up. Zork awakens as the Uber-Evil, and I'll fully admit, I liked that part. He starts swatting the priests away and reigning death all around Egypt. That's a villain through and through. It sucked when he died nearly two episodes later. And guess how he did it?

Sophinades: He saw the error of his ways?

No! For once, he actually dies the legitimate way! With the once-again horror of a one-time power where all three God Cards fuse into this unfairly holy monster that just blows Zork off in one move! I mean, crap, if the monsters can do that, why didn't Yami use that to beat Dartz!? Why didn't he do it sooner and end this pathetic streak of anime dubbing!? Seriously, that was the biggest disappointment ever, and the ending definitely didn't lift my spirits. Yami managed to win over his memories, and when he wakes up, he has to duel Yugi just one more time before this piece of crap ends. Now, Yugi's not exactly the best duelist, but Yami finally ends up losing anyway. I swear, I liked Dartz better than I liked this, and I hated Dartz. I wouldn't have watched the ending, except I was too loyal to YGO to let it pass. But still, really? You'll end the show by letting Yugi win? By letting him GROW? Why, I'd have never seen that coming, except that I knew since Battle City Yami would be biting the big one some day. I just didn't think it'd end so crappily. When Yugi finally wins, everyone starts bawling because they don't want Yami leaving. There was an easy solution to that: Yugi could've just lost the duel. But I guess then we'd still be watching filler episodes, and obviously Takahashi learned from Naruto that fillers equal a painful death.

Bakura: So does summoning Zork, but I did that anyway.

At least that was cool. So, in a nutshell, Yu-Gi-Oh is a good mix of weird, ancient, and mythical in one. It's a nice anime, one I don't regret watching for six years, but one that certainly doesn't reach up there with Death Note or Ronin Warriors for me. And with that said, that's the end of my horrifyingly long review for the crap we know as Yu-Gi-Oh!

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