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Final Fantasy V - Flaming it like Fire 3

Ohhh god, I don't even know why I'm doing this, this game is such a piece of crap! It's safe to assume that unless you have Final Fantasy: Anthology, you might not even know what FFV is. Before I start, I'll explain. It's this horrible piece of shit that SquareSoft created and hopefully never released in America until around 1997 - 1999, when Anthology was released for PSX. Final Fantasy IV (III in America) was its primary selling point, but from what I see, they snuck FFV in there as a way to try and get good ratings back. My thought is 'they shouldn't have bothered.' Honestly, this is one of the worst games I've ever played.

I know what you're thinking: 'It's FINAL FANTASY! How can it be crap!?' Well, trust me, it is. I mean, Final Fantasy VIII was horrible, and I'm pretty sure I'd rather play that than this. The plot was all right, nothing entirely new to us at this point: Someone steals one or all of the crystals, and it's your job to bring them back. Nothing fancy, nothing too hard to do. But the execution was under par, and the dialouge was just bad. The very first thing you need to do is save a princess and an old man from a bunch of goblins. Now, I don't know if you know this, but Goblins are arguably the weakest monsters in existence. Throw a stick at them and they'll probably fall down dead. But apparently this princess can't do a damn against them. So you're forced to fight them, and they might get a hit on you, but it's really not that hard. It just isn't.

And immediately following the fight, you see that the hero has 'the hots' for the princess as the old man unhelpfully states. This made me just want to turn the game off. I don't mind romance, but having it flung in my face with no backstory or progression makes me mad. It just does. The princess decides to leave, thank god, and you take the old man and head off to slay dragons. That's just the beginning, too. And my opinion is, if it's annoying at the start, it probably won't get much better. And it didn't. The plot's straightforward, I don't really think I need to go too indepth here just yet, so I'll skip ahead to about five minutes later where I get a full-fledged party.

Your party will consistantly consist of Bartz, the hero you can rename, Galuf, the old-timer, Faris, the pirate, and Lenna, the $#%Y1&!!! princess who couldn't even throw a stick to ward off a goblin. Now, Bartz is okay, I guess. He doesn't have too much dialouge, but he likes Lenna and is pretty much obsessed with her throughout the game. Galuf, I admit, I really liked. He made one of the best magicians, and after the initial romantic interest he mentions, his dialouge is much better and he's not nearly as annoying. Granted, he has amnesia and forgets everything at the most convenient time, but he's probably the reason I got through to the near end of the game. Faris is by far the best. I love her, and I think Square did this game some justice putting her in. The only thing that mars her is Lenna.

Sargon: Why? Does Lenna turn her into a whiny snot, too?

No. Lenna is her LITTLE SISTER. You don't find this out until late in the game, but what the hell, I feel like spoiling your fun. Lenna is probably 75% as to why I hate this game so much, and she's so damn whiny. I don't even think ten minutes goes by without her getting kidnapped or poisoned, forcing you to go 'damsel in distress' mode and rescue her. The first time was okay, I guess, but it was unnecessary. So you're on a mountain top, and there's a dragon that needs to be rescued.

Bakura: Oh! A cliche!

Lenna wants to save it, and even though there's a clear path where the poisoned plants aren't, she walked right into the poison and let herself nearly die to save the stupid beast, forcing you to rescue her AGAIN.

Timothy: Another cliche. How many times do you end up rescuing her?

I lost count after the time she was possessed by a monster and nearly killed me in X-Death's realm. I count maybe seven or eight. But don't worry, because there's one part where her sorry ass is useful, and only barely. The first boss. The Siren. Now, at that point, you're convinced Faris is a guy, and that's good enough for her to be afflicted with the Siren's curse. But guess who isn't. Magical, beautiful Lenna. She manages to beat the Siren up, and that was the only time I was glad she was in my party. If I were Faris, I'd have thrown myself overboard with the memory of having such a stupid, Mary-Sue sister.

Sith: Why do you think she DID run away when she was a kid?

Sophinades: I thought she was kidnapped.

She was. By good samuritans who dedicate themselves to helping good characters keep away from the Mary-Sues. It's just too bad they missed Bartz on the way. He had potential until he fell in love with Lenna. So, unfortunately, he lost my respect within three seconds of gameplay. The only thing saving him was that Square did the right thing and didn't use the Japanese names. Otherwise, his name would've been Butz. And I can't respect anyone with such a god-awful name. I don't know what parent would ever name their kid 'Butz,' but they were probably ensuring their son ran away before he was toilet-trained. Then again, I wouldn't be surprised from someone whose name was 'Drogen' in the American version. Hell, for all we know, his name was actually 'Drunken' and just switched because OHMYGOD, ITZ AMERICA!!!!11 and being drunk is a bad thing.

But honestly, those two names are nothing compared to the horror of finding out Faris's name. About halfway through the game, we find that indeed, Faris is Lenna's sister and was kidnapped (and subsequently rescued) by pirates. And guess what her god-awful name was? Salsa. Yes, like the topping you put on nachos. That Salsa. I was ready to toss the game out, because I was pissed that Square slandered the only character I found even remotely worth it in that godforsaken piece of crap they call a Final Fantasy game. But I perservered, because I was praying the plot got better after that.

In short, it didn't. I haven't gotten in-depth with the plot, but I'll do it now. Basically, there's an evil force named X-Death who is trying to destroy the world. But not just one world. There are actually three worlds you'll be traveling through in this game, but don't go thinking the plot's going to be long and rewarding. It isn't. Every time you get to a new world, you basically go through the same crap as the last one until X-Death goes and blows that world to kingdom come, too. It's like playing the game THREE times in one round until you finally get to X-Death's realm, the N-Zone. I don't know how he thinks Noggin TV will kill us, but obviously he's a devout believer in educational television being evil. Now, I'd have named it 'X-Zone,' because not only is that a cool homage to FFVI's best spell, but it just sounds so much cooler and doesn't affiliate to being a reference to a network made for 'tweens.

But I'll get back to the N-Zone in a minute. I still have some plot to catch up on before just skipping to the end. Now, for the first world, it's pretty straightforward. A meteor comes and crashes into your world, and even though meteors are semi-common in the world of Final Fantasy (hell, VII had one ready to blow the crap out of it), Bartz decides he needs to explore it, and that's when you officially get Galuf and Lenna in your party. When I said before you needed to save them from Goblins, I kind of forgot to mention you actually need to save them a few times. This is why I didn't have too much faith in FFV when I started it; sucky party members are sucky. But whatever. After you save them again from a harmless pack of Goblins, you'll leave the meteor and head to a valley, where once again Galuf and Lenna are attacked by a group of Goblins. These guys obviously have some bad luck, but no worries because you're victorious anyway. After that, you get almost all your party members in five minutes.

At that point, the Wind Shrine seems to become a really important part of the story. Galuf will brilliantly want to steal a pirate ship, and considering that the second dungeon you face is swarming with the sea-faring dogs, I'd have thought at least Lenna would've pointed out how truly terrible that idea is. But as usual, Lenna let me down big time. Not to worry, though, because in the end the pirate leader ends up being your fourth party member, and you're well on your way to saving the world. After getting to the Wind Shrine and finding that the crystal was destroyed, you learn that, while actually getting the four crystals is impossible, you can still protect three of them. I could tell you right now that that's not going to happen, but I'll gloat about it later.

From what I can tell, the first part of the game deals entirely with the crystals shattering, thusly pretty much destroying your ability to protect them. In a Final Fantasy game, that seems counterproductive, but what the hell? This game needs something to make it original. After all the crystals bite the big one, you find out why there are a bunch of meteors destroying your world, too. Apparently, those 'meteors' are ships that Galuf and his friends used to reach your world, and they're just really crappy drivers. Galuf at that point mentions some crap about his own world, he and his granddaughter up and leave. But no worries, this is where the legend that started it all happens. Cid finally makes an appearance! He's the ticket to the second part of the game, and hopefully it'll be more gripping than the first part.

From here on out, you learn the villain of the game is indeed X-Death, who basically looks and kind of acts like another Golbeze from FFIV, just without the whole 'gaining a conscience' thing at the end of the game. Right off the bat, as soon as you set toe in the second world, you're kidnapped and taken to this loser's castle. Unfortunately, I expected to be able to run around and explore this castle, thinking to loot the bastard and take some of his stuff, but that wasn't the case. Galuf came to the rescue (on a dragon, no less), and for once, you don't have to play as Bartz. This was my favorite part of the game, because I really like Galuf. So of course, it was the shortest part of the game. Still, it was fun while it lasted, and I even got to kick Gilgamesh's ass for once.

Let me tell you here and now that I was scared of Gilgamesh. I was totally, completely, and willingly terrified I'd get my ass handed to me on a silver platter. But after hearing his theme song, I saw he wasn't going to be a problem. Don't get me wrong. I love Gilgamesh. He's a great summon on the later FFs and he's a good character, too. But let's face it, the guy's a loser. His attacks do 1 point of damage. One point! Imagine how much of a letdown that is. And even worse, after you kick this guy where it hurts, you actually win that piece of crap he calls a sword: the Excalipur, not to be confused with its much stronger variation, the Excalibur. This sword sucks. It never does more than 1 point of damage, and it sells for 1 gil, too. I keep it with me just because I know it has to do something useful, even though I don't know what it is yet. I haven't even bothered leveling up a Samurai and teaching it 'throw,' but rest assured I might just do that, just to know that this piece of garbage actually has a use. I'm almost insulted that this is what I get for murdering Gilgamesh.

Anyway, yada yada yada, story stuff happens, and the plot gets crappier. You save a turtle, save a world, kill some stuff, and then... wait, you actually thought I was reviewing the entire game? Dude, that's what a walkthrough's for. Besides, you're really not missing much. Anyway, by the end of the game, I'll freely admit the plot gets somewhat entertaining. I mentioned the N-Zone once, and I'll get to it now because it's my favorite part of the game. This place is just awesome. It's like some kind of alternate world, and the music is pretty good, too. The only problem I have here is the annoyingly long string of boss battles you'll be enduring and the severe lack of save points in this place. I guess this is Square's attempt to make up for the rest of the game, except that the bosses aren't even really that strong, either. Hell, I beat three of them in about ten minutes. The only one who gave me a problem was Omega, and I avoided him by walking around him. I doubt I'll be able to actually ever beat Omega in this FF, because all his attacks do over 4,000 points to me, and I'm on level 45 and barely have over 2700 HP with Bartz.

After beating the annoying long and easy bosses (really, I think you'll spend more time finding them than fighting with them), I finally got to X-Death. This battle depressed me. His first form is a giant tree, which begs the question of how he turned into a tree in the first place. Was he just a holagram before, or did he pull something off Legend of Legaia and absorb the power of a tree? Anyway, this battle lasted maybe two minutes before I murdered his first form: I X-fought him to death with Bartz and Faris, and set him on fire with Lenna, Cara, and the holy power of Flare. Seriously, I think I beat him in one turn. Maybe two. Anyway, the good news is, he has another form. The bad news is, he has another form which kicked my ass, and has four monsters I needed to kill. Again, X-Fight saved my life; of course, NeoXDeath evaded more than half my attacks, too. Flare, Bahamut, and Holy took care of whatever damage Bartz couldn't do. This fight was probably worth playing the entire game, because it really did take a good time to finally kill NeoXDeath. He kept killing Lenna and Faris before they could Flare and MegaFlare him respectively. But in the end, I prevailed. I did it. I saved the world. I rescued the dragons. Yaaaay me.

After that, it shows a multitude of endings depending on who survived the battles. I was lucky; somehow, Bartz and Krile got Lenna and Faris up before NeoXDeath killed them, and all four of them beat him in the last turn. So, I managed to get the best ending. It was a bit sad, but at least I finally beat this shithole of a game. I don't know what the other endings are, but rest assured that just knowing you beat this game is worth actually facing the last boss. Overall, you might get a little bit of enjoyment out of this game, but I personally didn't like it much at all. It was under par compared to FFIV, and horrible compared to FFVI and everything above that. You'll like it if you can get a copy for a decent amount of money, but don't spend more than $25 on this. It's just not worth it.

Kingdom Hearts 1 - Being as Heartless as the Enemies in the game!

Ugh... why am I doing this? I haven't even played through half the damn game yet! Okay, okay, don't get mad at me. I've seen my sister play this game. I get the basics. I still hate flying Gummi ships. So, stop yelling and let's get this over with. There are some flaws here I really do want to point out. And, before I get to the plot, I want to point one out right now: the first question you're asked in the game. Before you even know what's going on, you have to go and choose what 'class' you are. You get a choice between a knight, a defender, and a mage. Pretty standard RPG classes. I'd like it more if they changed how Sora looked. But they didn't, and I hate it. All it really does is affect stats and when you learn certain spells. Unfortunately, I didn't realize this when I first played, and I decided to become a knight.

I like being the fighting classes. That's what prompted this choice. If I had to choose between shooting fireballs at my opponent or stabbing them with a sword... I'd have gone with the fireballs, but that takes too much time. So, I decided attack was more important on this game than setting a forest on fire. Little did I know that, by choosing to be a Knight, I lose a very important ability to me: learning spells. Now, I can learn them, it just takes a ridiculous amount of time, because I guess this game was made before SquareEnix realized the Red Mage was making a comeback. Anyway, when my sister played, she chose to be a mage and she learned Scan on level 9. That's a good spell because it lets you see the enemy's HP over its head. Me? I had to wait until level 15 to learn it. And that wasn't cool, because I was in a totally different world and was struggling because I couldn't see which enemy I should be running from.

Ah, enough of that. Okay, so after I choose the worst class in the game, I'm thrust into the magical nightmare that Disney spawned by mating with SquareEnix: Destiny Island. Gee, with a name like that, I sure hope I won't be leaving that place any time soon. What? Oh shit, according to Riku, I'm leaving that very night! Before I even know what I'm doing, he sends me on a bunch of, in my mind, stupid fetch quests for items I can't even use. Sticks? Why the hell do I need to get those? Why can't Riku get them himself? Hell, he's standing right on top of one, yet he sends me to get him some more. Lazy bastard. So, when I finally finish these mundane quests, he decides I haven't done enough for him, and I have to race him now. If I win (which I didn't), I got to name the damn raft we're sailing on. When my sister played, she won, so I don't think it matters what happens. Either way, Riku won't like the name you pick out and he'll give the raft some half-assed name he thought of in his sleep. Way to go. I hope nothing bad happens to this bastard sometime soon.

So, after losing the rigged race, I finally got to explore Destiny Island. It's more like a place where crossovers can live, because the only other people living there is Kairi, and then Wakka, Tidus, and Selphie from the Final Fantasy series. Dear god, I hated all of them, too. They don't even say anything important, just some random shit like 'I blew my nose!' or something like that. I proceeded to ignore them and went straight to filling the plot. Remember when I just said I hoped Riku didn't die soon? I spoke too soon. He doesn't die, but Destiny Island is going down. Evil shadows have taken over, and armed with only a stick, it's now my job to fight them all.

I admit, this part of the game made me want to piss my pants. The music is just scary, and playing the game at night, both in game and out, is not the best way to deal with this part of the game. I have no potions on me at this point, and the enemies are hard since I'm on level 1. I ended up running away more than I fought these guys, and at the end, I really kind of regretted it. I had no idea there'd be a boss battle so early in the game, and I was really unprepared for it. Typically, it's a hack'n'slash kind of battle. What else can you do on level 1, anyway?

Buuuuut, thankfully, I kicked the guy's ass. I saved the island. Wait, no, I didn't. I'm sorry. I lied. The island's destroyed, darkness prevails, everyone dies, and the bad guys win. Feel free to weep.

Damn it, you're still reading! Okay, never mind. Anyway, after this portal opens up and sends Sora to another dimension, we don't really hear what happens to Destiny Island after that. Really? The hero's hometown is destroyed within the first hour of gameplay? From Squaresoft, I never saw this coming. The good news is, Sora's not stranded. The bad news is, the new town he does end up in is kind of inhabited by more of those shadow things that made me wet myself. The first part of the city's safe. You can go and talk to some nice NPCs and listen to crap you probably won't care about. But when you head deeper into the city, you'll find lots of nice monsters just waiting to rip you a new asshole. That's pretty typical in every world from here on, so I had to get used to it.

Yami: So you actually beat this game?

Oh, hell no. But my sister did. And I got close, too. Anyway, I should probably get to the plot of this game: and that's to beat those disgusting bastards who wrecked your island. They're called Heartless, and they're spawned from the evil in humans' hearts. Every world in this game has at least one GIANT Heartless that needs to get his ass kicked, and some of them have really interesting attack patterns, too. Hell, one of them can only be defeated by breaking a bunch of pots. Anyway, since there's no true particular order you should view the worlds in, after a certain point, the game gets kind of open-ended and you can do whatever the hell you want. You'll still need to advance the plot, but it's taken me a long time to do this, and there's not much I feel like explaining, anyway.

Now, there's not much to review on terms of plot within each world, so let's skip right down to the little knicks I don't like in this game for a minute. The camera angles? They suck. Most of the time, you can control them, but in a few crucial places, you can't, and that's lame. I've actually lost a lot of munny and really good items because I've accidentally walked out a door I didn't see instead of walking into the item. And that kind of pisses me off, because treasure chests can only open once. For all I know, Merlin's room had the Excalibur in it. But will I ever know? No! Not unless I restart the game, and I sure as hell won't be doing that. But I'll complain about it, for sure.

Next, can I complain about the cameos? Can I complain about their roles in the story? I mean, sure, Squall Leon is kind of cool, and Cloud was a badass in the arena, but what fscking use did Aeris or Yuffie have? Why was Cid Highwind a shopkeeper instead of an ally? Why did Sephiroth have to take residence in the Olympus coliseum? I mean, the cameos are worse in KH2, but come on. This is cruel. Disney took my favorite characters and reduced them to mindless, soulless, useless NPCs. They lost my respect when l00zars like Miley Cyrus and Hilary Duff entered the scene. But ditching Final Fantasy just buried them eight feet under. I pulled a Madea and stomped on their graves just to bury it even more. Personally, I would make a new KH game where all the Final Fantasy cameos combine forces and beat the directors senseless. That'd make me so happy.

Another thing I want to complain about is the magic system.

Sith: What DON'T you complain about?

Shut up. I hate the magic system. I miss the old days where magic was counted with MAGIC POINTS, and you had to quaff down Ethers to fill 'em back up. But this? This new system is a load of shit. You only have maybe seven spells at your disposal, and their 'level' increases as you grow stronger. Seven spells? Wow, I could make more spells in my sleep. I'm sure the boys who made SaGa Frontier will be mighty impressed, what with their bizarre number of spells and techniques for each and every character you can recruit. This is even worse than Parasite Eve, and you had even less spells to work with then. That game wasn't even fun. But this just makes me weep. And not in sadness. No, I want to find whoever made this magic system and set them on fire with a nice, healthy dose of Merton and leave it at that.

Another thing I'm sorely disappointed in are the TWO ITEM SHOPS IN THIS GAME! Honestly, I've only come across two, and they're incredibly far apart. And considering the fact that you can't just warp between worlds (you can if you find the right items), you can bet this got extremely annoying really quickly. I'm a bull when it comes to plots: I charge through and forget silly things like leveling up. So I always end up being about ten levels under what I should be when I get to the next boss. And because of the poor amount of item shops, I never have the healing I need, either. I guess Disney wanted to portray just how bad the economy is, even for fairy tales. Still, it didn't help when I had to travel through Gummi ships and couldn't get to the item store before crashing my new ship. I'd prefer to have an item shop in every world, but I guess that would've made things too easy. And if there's one thing Disney likes, it's confusing the hell out of you.

The last thing I hate are the Gummi Ships themselves. I don't even know why Disney bothered with this. It's a waste of time, and it makes me want to tear my hair out. Most of the time, I half-ass these parts and don't even move. And other times, I intentionally crash my ship just to piss Chip and Dale off. We all have to find our fun somewhere. Sadly, that somewhere just isn't here.

Okay, enough griping.

Bakura: Finally...

I'm going to skip ahead to the final level here. This is where things go straight to hell, and I'll freely admit that there's a chance you won't make it on the first run here. Remember Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty? Well, she's back and she's bad. And her palace is horribly infested with Heartless. I'd have called an exterminator, but apparently she doesn't mind, because she's one of the ones behind the invasion, too. Now might be a good time to state that most of the baddies from Disney are the bosses in this game, so by this point, you should have faced a few of them. Namely, Jafar, the Queen of Hearts, Hades, Ursula, and some others I can't remember right now. And now you're going to face Maleficent. This is probably the only battle I enjoyed, because it wasn't insanely difficult to hit her, and it wasn't insanely easy to kill her, either. It just... was. For the first part of the battle, you face her as her normal form. A black-cloaked, green-skinned witch with a problem against Sora. Not too bad. When you defeat her, she actually turns into a dragon. It's a good thing we're given a chance to heal and save before fighting the dragon.

That fight was awesome, because she spat fire and poison like it wouldn't destroy her castle. And while it didn't, it destroyed my party. This fight was hard, and I'm pretty sure I used all my Ethers in this fight just to make it through. Maleficent, in her dragon form, has an insane amount of HP. It took a good half hour, and a nice hiding spot, for me to whip her ass around. But I finally prevailed, even though Donald Duck bit the big one a few times. Nothing a Phoenix Down won't cure, except that he didn't get any EXP for the battle.

Almost immediately after this, Riku shows up again. I'm tired of this bastard and I still haven't forgiven him for deserting me back on the islands. But guess what? He hates me, too, and now he wants to fight me again. At this point, I've probably fought him two or three times. Why hasn't he given up yet? Not like it matters, because I killed him, too, but still. This castle's just full of bosses, and I hate having to fight each and every one of them. The lack of Save Points doesn't help. Now, Riku was hard. He's really fast, and Guard will be a lifesaver here. My best advice is to just avoid this guy and hit him from a distance, guarding when he gets too close. It took me a few tries to kill him, but luckily you can save before fighting him. That's good, because I'd have stopped if I had to fight Maleficent again.

After killing Riku, I had to get out of Hollow Bastion. But guess what? I was turned into a Heartless, too. That was cool. I actually got to see what it was like to play as an enemy for once. The bad news was, Donald Duck bopped me because he thought I was an enemy. If Sora were human, he'd have sent that duck off the ledge and walked away. And if this were Morrowind, Donald Duck would be dead. Anyway, I finally make it to Traverse Town, and am horrified to find that, aside from having to go back to Hollow Bastion, the enemies in this world are about ten times harder than before. Drat! There's just no rest for me.

Cid sends me on a fetch quest when I find him, and with the newly improved enemies, I really don't want to do this. Fetch quests suck, anyway. But I do it, because I wanted to finish this game. Kairi comes to help me get the Navi-Gummi, and I curse and whine because I hate gummis. With that in hand, I get my Gummi ship upgraded and haul ass right back to Hollow Bastion. Woo-hoo.

If I thought this game was going to get easier, I was sadly mistaken. The enemies are even worse now, and I'm probably a few levels behind at this point. You can bet I was running away for the first few rooms, but eventually I did decide to gain more levels. And I needed them. Maleficent, obviously, wasn't the last boss. And I can't go into a boss fight with a piddly amount of HP, either. I was prepared to die, but to my surprise, the new boss was a Behemoth. Finally! Another awesome Final Fantasy reference. And this time, Behemoth nearly won. He has some insanely powerful attacks, and I kind of didn't have Guard or Dodge Roll equipped. I prefer kicking the crap out of things rather than defending myself. Big mistake here. Donald saved my ass with a constant stream of Curaga, and Goofy did his best to help with the damage control. I'm just sad I can't use Ultima in this game. That'd have made things easier.

After killing the coolest reference in the game, I could either head back to Traverse Town or continue to the End of the World. I chose to continue to the end of the world, because I want this game over with. This is the second to last level, so I'm around level forty five at this point. My sister was stronger, but it's my signature to go into a new world weak as hell. So, here I go. This world is dark, and confusing as all hell. Invisible walls and enemies will be the bane of Sora's existence, and it brings up bad memories of Fuschia City in Pokemon for me. I hated the confusing walls in the gym there, and I hate the invisible walls now. The enemies are merciless, too. I used most of my potion stock before realizing I also had Curaga at my disposal. I can't always rely on Donald to heal me when I need it, so having magic was good here. Liberal uses of Aeroga helped lessen the damage.

When I got to the boss here, I had everyone equipped to the gills with Ethers and Elixirs. And I needed them. Chernabog is hard, and he does a lot of damage. One of his attacks kept hitting me for insane amounts of damage, and I didn't even have Second Chance equipped to help me out. I did have other things to make it easier, and Donald pulled through with a constant stream of Curaga again. Goofy didn't appear to do too much except take damage, but he was good for distraction. Gave me more time to unleash more combos, and I actually pulled through without dying. In this game, that's kind of a first for me. Here's the good news: I got the SuperGlide ability for winning. But here's the bad news. He's still not the last boss. Son of a Submariner!!

Now, at this point, I really need to upgrade my spells, and I need some levels. This is where I do all the backtracking and get the following: Blizzaga, Thundaga, Stopga, and a bunch of arts, too. I already have Firaga, courtesy of Behemoth. The Coliseum is my best friend, because that's where I gained so many levels to help me with the final dungeon. The bosses here aren't too bad, not nearly as hard as the new bosses in Traverse Town, Neverland, and Agrabah. There was only one I had trouble with, and his name is Sephiroth. Just like in Final Fantasy VII, I couldn't beat him. I didn't even get close. Being at level 64 didn't help, and I didn't feel like leveling up. Good news is, I don't get anything for defeating Sephiroth. Bad news is, I have nowhere else to go but to the End of the world.

Finally, the last dungeon. There's not much to do but fight here, but like all good games, this dungeon's riddled with bosses. Ansem is the first to greet me, and after dying from Sephiroth, I'm happy that I live through the first ten minutes. It's a hard battle; everyone dies an awful lot. But the next two battles are worse, because Sora has to fight alone. The Darkside was easy. The last time I faced him was waaaaay back at the beginning when I was on level 1. Now, I'm ready to rip him to shreds for destroying my home. And I do it, amazingly, without any help. I don't even think I needed to cast Curaga or use any items. It was that easy. But then Ansem decided to come back before I can even save. This one, like last time, was hard. Ansem has less HP now, but there's only one of me, and this guy's mad because I beat him already. Whatever I didn't use with the Darkside, I depleted in this battle. I did prevail, but I nearly died from it, too. And I still haven't saved since entering this place. Imagine my anger if I'd died at all.

The last battle was VERY hard. Not only did I not have my friends with me, I had to go and find them, too. This is more like going through an entire world rather than a boss battle, because I had to fight a lot of things in different rooms in order to free Goofy and Donald. Needless to save, I was terrified of getting a Game Over. I don't want to face Ansem again. Thankfully, I did free my friends. Unfortunately, this is around the point where I got stuck. Because Ansem was the final boss again, and he did kill me, and I haven't wanted to finish the game since. I mean, I'll still try, but for right now, it looks like the epic battle between Sora and the Heartless is put to rest.

Yami: Didn't you say your sister beat this game?

Yeah, but you're assuming I remember the ending. Anyway, I didn't mind playing this game. It's a nice, little jog through memory lane, seeing as how I actually got to kill all the characters I hated back when I was little and used to actually watch Disney movies. I do recommend this game, because it's a nice turn from Final Fantasy, with just enough of the FF flair to keep me interested. The only downside are the Heartless. I hate them. But seeing as how they're this game's primary enemy, there's not a damn I can do about it. Now the question is, are YOU going to play it?

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