DISCLAIMER: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, or the ability to make it l33t. I own the plot, and it's sw33t.

...we join our hero, Y4m!, locked in a battle of wits with B4kur4... or so, we would like to think. For now, we simply see them in B4kur4's living room.

Y4m!: So... this is your idea of a living room? In the Sh4d0w R341m?

B4kur4: What's wrong with living in the Sh4d0w R341m? Got a problem with my sense of living!?

Y4m!: Well, it just seems a little... evil, that's all..

B4kur4: ...um... I don't know if you remember me, but I am evil. Therefore, it is the perfect place for me. *bends down to set up the generator*

Y4m!: But what about me? I... *machine rumbles and he looks around nervously* ...what the hell is that thing, anyway?

B4kur4: Oh, it's one of the machines the author fabricated one night, but never quite made the grade for l33tness. I think it's supposed to make monsters have more realism to them.

Y4m!: Realism? What realism? Aren't they just holograms?

B4kur4: That's my point. They're pretty much forced to do every little whim you tell them to. But, imagine how fun duels would be if they totally 0wn3d j00.

Y4m!: They'd be no fun for me at all. Seriously, d00d, what is your point?

B4kur4: That, with this 4w3s0m3 machine, we can watch our m0nst3rz whine, sulk, pout, get angry, and smash everything in sight.

Y4m!: I'm terrified to know just how you managed to sneak this away from the author...

B4kur4: Screw the author! Let the t0t4l 0wn4g3 and 455k!ck!ng commence!

Y4m!: ...I feel bad for the poor author... Anyway, since I kicked j00r 455 twice, I'll be nice and let you go first.

B4kur4: Spare me the patronage! I know all of your l4m3r techs, so take this! *lays card in DEF position*

Y4m!: You are so not a challenge. In fact, I'll attack you with a l4m3 monster just to prove it! Go, Z0n3 3473r!

B4kur4: ...d00d, that only has an attack of 250. Are you absolutely sure you know what you're doing?

Y4m!: I don't need you to tell me what to do, l0s3r.

B4kur4: ...it's your second funeral...

Y4m!: GO, Z0N3 3473R! CRUSH HIM LIKE THE SCUMBAG HE IS!

B4kur4: ...it's not doing anything.

Y4m!: But I commanded it to attack! Why isn't it working!? You're supposed to be dead!

B4kur4: It'd help if it were STRONGER than my monster, idiot. All you did was waste your turn and destroy yourself, because as soon as my M4n 3473r Bug is flipped over, you are toast!

Y4m!: ...d4mn.

B4kur4: I WILL SHOW J00 TO JOOR D00M!!

Y4m!: I summon the C3lt!c Gu4rd!4n to kick your bug back to Hell! *monster slices Man Eater Bug, spraying goo everywhere*

B4kur4: You already attacked in this turn! You can't... what the hell is that squishy noise? *looks at leg* ...is that bug gutz!? You sprayed me!

Y4m!: That'll be the least of J00r worries when the PH33R OF T3H PH4R4OH leaves your body tingling in terror!

B4kur4: I definitely ph33r something, but it isn't j00. Now, I counter your elf with the H34dl3ss Kn!ght!

Y4m!: Oh noes you didn't! H4ppy L0v3r, kill him!

B4kur4: ...what the fsck is THAT!?

Y4m!: It is j00r doom! Are j00 prepared to die!?

B4kur4: ...I can see your skillz aren't going to get any better than this. I need to end this. H34dl3ss Kn!ght, finish him and...

M4r!k: STOP! It can't happen this way, B4kur4! The author says it's wrong!

B4kur4: ...first of all, how did you get here?

M4r!k: Um... I... think I just walked in. Anyway, you can't win, B4kur4! That's not how duels happen!

B4kur4: So? Being l33t isn't how we happened, either, but we're l33t none the l3ss.

M4r!k: Doesn't matter. T3h author can't continue to screw around with the power of the universe for every little thing we try to do. She says you have to let Y4m! win or the world ends.

B4kur4: ...so even when I win, I still lose!? How the H3ll is THAT fair!?

M4r!k: It's not, but T3h Author can't control everything. She says either you let him win or the universe explodes. It's j00r call, d00d.

B4kur4: The more l33t this gets, the more I hate T3h author.

M4r!k: Same. Speaking of her, again, Y4m!, she wants to know just what in all that is Zork and evil happened to your deck.

Y4m!: What do you mean?

M4r!k: To put it bluntly, your d3ck suxx0rz now, d00d. J00 used to have totally kick-455 monsterz, and now j00 got weaklings like H4ppy L0v3r. She didn't schedule a complete meltdown of your skillz until next w33k, so what the hell happened?

Y4m!: So, I'm not the only one who noticed my d3ck? That's a relief!

B4kur4: ...you mean you KNEW your deck suxx0red!?

Y4m!: How can I not? I'm dueling with it.

B4kur4: And losing with it, too.

M4r!k: Okay, before t3h w0rld explodes from Y4m!'s loss, we'd better go and find his d3ck. Y4m!, what is the last thing you remember?

Y4m!: Before losing my d3ck, or the last thing before you entered?

M4r!k: ...before losing your d3ck, d00d.

Y4m!: Oh. Well, I was sitting in Y00g33's room, and he started ranting something about his plushie.

B4kur4: ...his plushie?

Y4m!: Yeah. Some stupid d0ll he lost outside somewhere. Anyway, the next thing I know, I'm going through the Sh4d0w R34lm, asking B4kur4 where it is.

M4r!k: Then there are two choices. Either Y00g33 stole your d3ck, or B4kur4 did.

Y4m!: I choose B4kur4.

B4kur4: What!? Why? I couldn't have taken it! I was here when it was switched!

Y4m!: Convincing story, but I still say it's j00.

B4kur4: What logic are you even basing this on!?

Y4m!: The logic of the fact that I just don't like j00.

B4kur4: ...so it's one of those days again. Okay, look, we need some evidence to prove my innocence, and to find your d3ck. Mostly, though, to prove my innocence. I think we should talk to Y00g33.

M4r!k: But we don't know where he is!

Y4m!: He said something about a duel in the middle of the D0m!n0 forest. I think he went there.

B4kur4: You just let your weaker half wander around aimlessly in a forest?

Y4m!: You do it.

B4kur4: There's a difference. I h8 Ry0u.

Y4m!: Well, if Y00g33 ends up being the one who stole my d3ck, I'm pretty sure I'll h8 him, too. Therefore, my actions are just as justified as yours.

B4kur4: ...your sense of realism truly astounds me, ph4r40h.

Y4m!: I know. It astounds me, too.

B4kur4: ...stop... stop talking. Just for once.

M4r!k: Okay, so now we know where Y00g33 is, should we go and talk to him?

Y4m!: Seems to be a logical choice.

B4kur4: So, let's quickly do it before Dumbass McStupid decides that throwing himself out a window is more of an option.

M4r!k: Agr33d. I'm sure T3h author won't mind that we stepped out. To the forest!

And so, our three heroes venture forth into the D0m!n0 forest. Will they succeed in finding Y00g33? Find out in the next episode!