DISCLAIMER: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. I simply made it l33t.

When we last left our... would-be heroes, they were trying their best to find just where Y00g33 had gone to. Now, they stumbled into the forest. Can they find him? Let's watch on, shall we?

M4r!k: Okay, so far, we went over a river, and we're walking through the woods. When the hell are we supposed to find Y00g33's house!?

B4kur4: Considering that we're in a forest infested with bugs, spiders, snakes, and rodents, I'd say you should be lucky we know where he is at all. With our luck, and lack of M!ll3nn!um R!ng, it could take days to even get a trace on him.

M4r!k: ...days!? D00d, we can't stay here for days! We don't have any food or water! Not to mention the fact that I'm certainly not getting any younger!

Y4m!: B4kur4, are you sure this is the right place? Before we go wasting hours of our afterlife on this, let's make sure you know what you're doing.

B4kur4: You're questioning my judgment? You, of all people!? Well, if you can't trust me, then go look elsewhere, ph4r40h!

M4r!k: In fact, with our luck, this might take years! I certainly can't wait that long! I might actually lose my own memories!

Y4m!: ...why did we bring him along, again?

B4kur4: We didn't. He simply decided to follow us.

Y4m!: Oh. That... that's just... that's wonderful. That explains why I just want to punt him.

An hour later...

M4r!k: And when dementia finally hits, I want my sister to have my hoodie. R!sh!d can have my old bottle cap collection, and I want to be mummi...

B4kur4: ...okay, even I have my limits. M4r!k, shut the hell up before I shove that rod up your ass! There's no way you're going to be stuck here for the rest of your life!

M4r!k: Thank Ra for that, too! I was actually starting to worry I'd age into a husk!

Y4m!: Keep it up and you'll turn into a husk. Mainly, a soulless one.

M4r!k: Oh, you're just jealous that I happen to be alive and kicking. I'm not some ancient zombie like you.

Y4m!: It's obvious you want to die now. As t3h ph4r40h, I work for the people. And you are a person. Time to die.

M4r!k: Wait! I didn't meant...

B4kur4: Y4m!, let me handle this. It's been years since I practiced reversed seppukku.

Y4m!: I shall not stop you.

M4r!k: M33p!

B4kur4: *stabs M4r!k in the eye with a knife* Problem solved.

M4r!k: Can't... feel... lungs...

Y4m!: ...perhaps it isn't, B4kur4. But enough of that. Where exactly are we?

B4kur4: *aims second knife* M4r!k's new funeral site.

Y4m!: Putting the fun back in funeral, are we? B4kur4, I'm serious.

B4kur4: So am I. We're lost.

Y4m!: ...you're missing my point. Location-wise, are we still in the forest?

M4r!k: Well, there are a lot of treez, and it LOOKS like a forest, so I say we're still there!

B4kur4: If you want to get technical, it'd also be right to say that we're in the middle of nowhere, on the continent of no-place, on the planet Get The Fsck Out Of Here, because we're miles from ANYWHERE! Y4m!: It's a sad day when I'm the only one who takes our being entirely lost seriously...

M4r!k: ...relax. I think I might actually know where we are, without knowing where we are!

B4kur4: ...right. That made about as much sense as a snow crab wandering around a desert.

M4r!k: I'm serious. Look, do you see that object over there?

Y4m!: *squints eyes* ...barely. Either I need glasses, or you're hallucinating. B4kur4, can you see it?

B4kur4: I hate siding with M4r!k, but I do. It looks like a bug with some sort of star. From this angle, it might be some form of ninja parafanalia.

Y4m!: ...isn't Yuff!3 a ninja?

B4kur4: I think so. Why?

M4r!k: Yuff!3's here!? I... I can't let her see me! She'll kill me! I mean, I love her, but DAMN!

Y4m!: Oh, no reason, I guess...

B4kur4: Well, we sure as hell won't know what it is unless we go, so let's move.

Five minutes later...

Y4m!: Finally! We finally found you, you little thief!

B4kur4: Y4m!, I was right here the entire time.

Y4m!: Not you. I was talking about Y00g33.

Y00g33: Y-Y4m!? How... did you get here?

Yuff!3: And more importantly, why are you here?

Y4m!: One reason, and one reason only. To get my d3ck back, Y00g33. Now hand it over before I destroy you with my m4d p0w3rz.

Y00g33: But I needed it, Y4m!. I had to get my plushie back!

Y4m!: And I had to waste three hours of my life looking for you to get my d3ck back. Now, seriously, hand the damn thing over!

Yuff!3: Y4m!, calm down. It's not like he set the c4rdz ablaze. Can't you forgive him for breaking just one tiny law?

Y4m!: No.

Yuff!3: M4r!k, can you try talking to him?

M4r!k: I... could try, but he is t3h ph4r40h.

Yuff!3: Please? It'd actually make me happy if you did.

M4r!k: But... but he might not even listen to me!

Yuff!3: ...let me put it this way: Do it and I might not dig this star into your central nervous system, thusly beginning the start of septic shock.

M4r!k: Well, put it that way, and I don't have much of a choice. Y4m!, I think you should forgive Y00g33. If not for him, then for me. Because, if you don't, I'll probably die a very infectuous death.

Y4m!: Well, I don't. But, I'll be fair. We'll let good ol' democracy decide the fate of the brat. I, for one, choose to kill him.

B4kur4: I second that!

Yuff!3: I say you forgive him. Theft doesn't constitute outright murder.

Y00g33: She does have a point!

M4r!k: Thank you, Law and Order! Now, I third the opinion to forgive him.

B4kur4: ...you're just saying that because Yuff!3 threatened j00.

M4r!k: And?

Y4m!: And it's not fair. It's like blackmail, except she can actually back up her threats!

Yuff!3: And? Life isn't fair, Y4m!. Deal with it.

(K4!: ...did she actually say something useful!?

7y50n: I guess there IS a first for everything!

K4!: I think R3! just barfed out his heart.)

Y00g33: Anyway, it looks like democracy worked against you, Y4m!. Three people voted to keep me alive, and by the laws of democracy, you must obey.

Y4m!: Damn democracy... you never make anything better!

M4r!k: At the very least, we did find your d3ck. Isn't that what matters most?

Y4m!: No. You voted against me. T3h ph4r40h. In Egypt, that could be counted towards a royal execution!

M4r!k: I thought executions were illegal now!

Y4m!: Only in America. In Egypt, which is where we originated from, I can still kill you for going against me. In fact, I can kill you for just about any reason I deem worthy.

Y00g33: Doesn't it make you proud to be an Egyptian?

M4r!k: What!? That's not fair! That's the same as murder!

Y4m!: But I'm t3h ph4r40h, so I can get away with it! I can... *gets hit with a giant comet*

B4kur4: What the hell was that?

S4m!: Sorry. That was me.

Y00g33: T3h Author? What're you doing here? We thought you were back at the studio, filing out a report for more crossovers.

S4m!: I was, but then that bastard, L!gh7, got all my requests denied. So, I came here hoping one of you could help me. Instead, though, I find a conspiracy to destroy all that is l33t.

Y00g33: L!gh7!? From D34th N0t3?

S4m!: Yes. He and I go way back. Remember back when I first had to compete to get the position as t3h author, and he and I were the two runners to become t3h l33tm45t3r?

B4kur4: Vaguely. We were wondering why L!gh7 suddenly dropped out of the race.

S4m!: I locked him in a closet for a few weeks and hired a hitman to guard the door in case he escaped.

Everyone: You... you WHAT?!

M4r!k: What about the other contestants!?

S4m!: They weren't... really friends, you know? *takes out plasma rifle*

Yuff!3: You... you shot them!? All of them!?

S4m!: Not all of them. One managed to run away before I blew his head off. I'm still looking for him.

B4kur4: D00dz, plan. I set the forest ablaze while j00 all run away or banish her. One of us might survive.

Everyone: Agreed!

And so, for ph33r of being the next one on t3h author's hitlist, our heroes run like bats out of hell to avoid the destruction that could potentially be caused. With the first of many small plots completed, what will happen next in the l33t YGO world? Find out in the next episode!