DISCLAIMER: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or any references to any other anime. I simply made them all l33t.

It was a dark, dark day in the l33t town of D0m!n0 City. Not because there was a storm or any sort of detrimental weather. No, today, our l33t group of merry members finds themselves plopped right outside of t3h author's house.

Tr!5t4n: ...okay, we were just getting out of the giant war the girls started waging on us. How the hell did we end up here?

M4r!k: I think t3h author warped us here.

Tr!5t4n: She... she can do that!?

Y00g33: Of course. She's t3h author. She warps herself all over the place. It's not surprising she can cause dimensional rifts to move us around as well.

J03y: ...you want to run that by us again, Y00g?

Y00g33: See, what t3h author does is take out a tiny chunk of space and warp it just slightly to create a portal to where she wants to go. All she has to do to move us is set up different codes within that pocket of space to match our atomic structure and molecular DNA at a core level, thusly giving her complete control over our every move!

B4kur4: What the hell is he saying?

Y00g33: It's kind of like divine intervention, except that t3h author isn't a god. She's just really, really smart.

S3t0: I think my brain exploded. And I'm the local genius, too.

S4m!: I'm actually surprised that even one of you understood how warping space actually works.

J03y: T3h author!? But... how... you were... we've been...

S4m!: Yes, yes, we all know you can't finish complete sentences, J03y. To make a long story very, very short, I've been waiting in the Beginning of Space for you all to show up.

B4kur4: ...okay, this is quickly becoming a very messed up experience. Why the hell were you waiting for us!?

S4m!: For the past two days, I've been kind of letting you guys have free reign on the script, and frankly, I'm getting a bit disappointed with how badly you're beginning to warp space simply by not being you.

S3t0: Excuse me. Aren't j00 the one actually writing this up for us? How can you tell us you have no control?

B4kur4: If you go on about how you and L!gh7 were having some stupid bet on something, one of you dies.

S4m!: Feh. I doubt you could leave a mark on me. Anyway, this time, this has nothing to do with that bastard. No, this is sorely from you all. Mainly, the ones who are in the most danger of collapsing from atomic meltdown.

Y4m!: And those would be...

S4m!: That would be j00, Y00g33, B4kur4, S3t0, R3x, and M4r!k. Everyone else may leave.

Others: W00t! *leaves*

M4r!k: That's not fair! Why're we in danger!?

Y00g33: Is this going to be like one of those therapy episodes you see on Spongebob?

S4m!: Exactly. This is the episode where I delve into your minds and learn your most secret fears. Now, since you brought up all those wonderful analogies, you get to go first, Y00g33.

Y00g33: I feel a hole in the pit of my mind...

S4m!: Tell me what exactly started you and your string of kleptomania. That's not like you, is it?

Y00g33: No, but I think it all technically started when I was born. It was dark, since it was around midnight. My dad came rushing into the ER with nothing but a blanket and two...

S4m!: I meant since we started doing this l33t business.

Y00g33: Oh... Well, in that case, it started when these three jerks came and took my plushie! I decided that, instead of being a doormat, I'd just borrow Yami's d3ck...

Y4m!: Hold on. Let me just state that you didn't borrow anything. You STOLE my d3ck.

Y00g33: I didn't steal a thing! I simply borrowed without asking, with no future plan of returning it! I never once intended to commit outright theft of said object!

Y4m!: Never... once... what the hell!? Just by laying a finger on my d3ck, you commited the crime! Just admit it so I can arrest you!

Y00g33: Bring it on, Jack McCoy!

S4m!: Okay, okay, stop it! It's pretty obvious you two are the anime equivalent of Tom and Jerry. Y4m!, before you go slaughtering midgets left and right, why don't you tell me what it was that made you so damn bitter?

Y4m!: You mean my general existance isn't enough?

S4m!: Care to elaborate?

Y4m!: Okay, every day I wake up, it's the same thing. Y00g33 duels this, Y00g33 wins that. No one except T34 seems to even acknowledge the fact that I'm the brains between the two of us! In fact, it's like I don't even exist! Sure, I'm a spirit, but still! Even Jasper gets more recognition than I do, and he's swimming in the abyss of forgotten movies!

S4m!: Ouch. That'd definitely make me bitter.

Y00g33: Whoa, wait a minute! I am not falling for this pity party! If anything, you should be thanking me! If I hadn't even solved the puzzle, you'd still be trapped in a tiny piece of metal! Y4m!: So that constitutes giving you the right to be a total asshole about it?

Y00g33: You're just pissed off because you're over 3,000 and you've never had a date before!

Y4m!: HEY! Do NOT ever bring my social life up!

Y00g33: What social life!? Your idea of being social is dueling someone and gloating about it when you win!

S4m!: Enough! I might be t3h author, but I'm not a damn miracle worker! Now, apologize or I'm taking the puzzle and chucking it into the Hudson!

Y00g33/Y4m!: *half heartedly* Sorry...

S4m!: That's good enough. S3t0, it's your turn. Can I start by saying you perturb me to no end? Can I ask about why you decided to get into more feminine activities?

S3t0: Would you rather I go out and chug beers until my liver explodes?

S4m!: Don't get snippity with me. Now, either you tell me what the deal is or I'm burning your Green Day CD.

S3t0: No! Not Billy Joe!

S4m!: It's either him or the truth.

S3t0: You can't handle the truth!

S4m!: I've handled dog bites, car crashes, and complete system shutdown on my compz. I can handle your little revelation.

S3t0: Fine. You want to know why I'm feminine? Because, after years and years of being portrayed as the bad guy, I've finally decided that I want the world to see just what I truly am! And, if that means showing them that I like shopping and going to sleepovers, all the more power to me for realizing this!

B4kur4: ...you mean you want to be seen as feminine?

S3t0: Why not? Fans already assume I'm gay. Have you seen the number of slash pairs I'm in? Fanfics alone raise it to the billions! I figure, hell, why not give them more frenzied backstory to play with?

S4m!: Except that you're actually not supposed to be gay, S3t0.

S3t0: Says who? Takahashi never clearly stated what I am. That's left to the readers to view, and if you clearly go to any fanfiction site, you'll see that they clearly assume I'm not straight.

S4m!: But that's not backstory. That's opinion.

S3t0: Well, what about my opinion of myself? Maybe I'm sick of being a stuck-up brat with too much money to burn! Maybe I'm sick of being an anti-hero for all to mock and hate! Maybe I, S3t0 K4!b4, am no longer afraid of stepping out of the norm and claiming my feminine side for my own! That, my friends, is why I'm proud to BE AN AMERICAN!

S4m!: But you're... not... American...

Y00g33: Look at all the pretty fireworks!

S4m!: ...I'm going to move on before my brain explodes from the sheer stupidity. B4kur4, you're next.

B4kur4: Me? Pssh! I don't have problems!

S4m!: You don't think a superiority complex is a problem?

B4kur4: I don't have a complex, either! I KNOW I'm better than that stupid moron we call a ph4r40h! It's not MY fault if no one else agrees!

Y4m!: That's a lot of words for a smelly, stupid, ugly, vile thief no one loved.

B4kur4: I wasn't smelly! And I certainly wasn't ugly!

Y4m!: But you don't deny being stupid.

B4kur4: ...says the idiot who constantly prattles about friendship and love and all that useless crap no one cares about.

Y4m!: There is NOTHING wrong with love and friendship!

B4kur4: Then how come you have nothing in your life other than being asleep for 3,000 years?

S4m!: All right, I don't need two cast members slaughtered today. We've established that you do have a complex, but it's pretty obvious you want no help.

B4kur4: I don't NEED any help to banish everyone!

S4m!: ...moving onwards. M4r!k, we need to talk. We need to talk about your obsession with a certain ninja who doesn't appear to recognize that you even exist.

M4r!k: ...you want to run that by me again?

S4m!: ...Yuff!3, you moron.

M4r!k: Oh! What about her?

S4m!: Well, I kind of notice that you have a problem letting go of the fact that she either wants you dead or simply ignores you.

M4r!k: Assuming the fact that she broke my spine, I think that's a bit warranted.

S4m!: And yet your infatuation hasn't decreased. Doesn't that bother you?

M4r!k: A little, but the way I see it is, someday she has to see I'm not nearly as bad as she thinks, right?

S4m!: I think you're missing the point. I want you to start seeing other crossovers.

M4r!k: Yeah.. about that. Not happening. I can't think of any girl besides T34 who's around my age bracket or completely unmatched for me. Can't you do anything to actually help me?

S4m!: That's a decent point. Hold on... *calls Yuff!3 on phone* Yeah, I need to talk to you about M4r!k. What? No, he's not like that. He'd never do that. Whoever told you that needs to be shot. I'm serious. You will? Good. I'll tell him. *hangs up*

M4r!k: Well?

S4m!: She'll see you later tonight.

M4r!k: W00t!

S4m!: Good luck. Now, onto our last problem. R3x. So far, you haven't said anything to anyone within the set, correct?

R3x: .........

S4m!: ...I'll take that for a yes. Care to tell me why?

R3x: .... *blinks*

S4m!: ...I implore you to answer me.

Y4m!: Good luck with that one. He hasn't spoken to anyone since he joined us!

S4m!: Why not? By all intense and purposes, he should be fine. Did he lose his voice in the LCP machine?

R3x: ...............

S4m!: This isn't getting us anywhere! R3x, please, speak to me! I'm t3h author! I can help you fix this!

R3x: .....why don't you [bleeeeeeep]ing leave me the [bleeeep] alone, [bleeeeep]!

M4r!k: Holy Howling Hullabaloo, that's the most he's spoken in the entire series!

B4kur4: Aren't there consequences for speaking to t3h author like that?

S4m!: If there isn't, there will be soon. *shoves boys out of house* Thank you for coming. Expect a very painful spleen rupture within the next week. *slams door*

Y00g33: Well, considering none of us are dead, I'd say that was a very rewarding therapy session!

B4kur4: Right. What drugs were you shot up with again?

Y00g33: Hey. I said to consider the fact that no one died. I didn't say it was a good session.

B4kur4: But you spoke of rewards.

Y4m!: I think being rewarded with the chance to run away was reward enough for us.

B4kur4: Meh. I'm not scared of anything that wench can give to us. *gets slammed with another comet*

M4r!k: Wow, she must be angry. That was two comets in two days!

Y00g33: Can she actually mess with space like that?

S3t0: I don't know. I only took basic Astronomy, but I'm pretty sure that if she keeps pelting comets this way, she'll probably set off some form of chain reaction, like the Earth becoming much warmer than it should, or the sun exploding.

M4r!k: Maybe that's the terrible consequence she was talking about! Oh hell, her power is manifest! We have to do something!

S3t0: I wouldn't worry too much. Seeing as how there are thousands upon thousands of meteors, and even more so of stars, she'll need to drop comets like flies before any real damage is done.

Y4m!: She might hear you, you know.

S3t0: Oh please. I just lied about my sexual orientation without her so much as raising a brow. I seriously doubt she'd take any crap dribbling out of my mouth seriously.

Y00g33: Oooh, like reversed logic?

S3t0: ...sure.

M4r!k: Well, as long as it doesn't intervene now, I'd say we should just get on with our next objective. And, if you heard her vague mention of a date, I'd say preparing to see Yuff!3 is it. Who wants to help me?

Y4m!: I'm in.

Y00g33: Me too!

B4kur4: ...does it bother anyone that we already appear to know what the next episode is?

S3t0: No. Then again, we already knew how to save the world when it counted. Why should this be any different?

M4r!k: Onwards and upwards, my friends!

Y4m!: But, only in the onward sense.

M4r!k: With an upwards attitude, of course! TO MY HOUSE!

B4kur4: And again with the Batman theme.

And so, with their therapy session over with, and with no ones' problem actually being solved, our heroes head off to M4r!k's house to help him with what could be the next episode! Tune into the next episode to find out, and beware of random flying comets!