| Wanda |
Halfway |
August 7, 2003 |
Disclaimer: I don’t own JAG, we all know who they belong to.
Author Notes: My resolution to the events of “Reckless.” You have to read that first, as this picks up right where that left off.
Monday, April 21
2035 Local
Bethesda Naval Hospital
One very annoyed Navy Admiral AJ Chegwidden pulled his car back into the parking lot of Bethesda Naval Hospital. He had only left the hospital a few minutes ago, but he had left his wallet. At least, he hoped he had. It was the only place he could think it would be. Getting out of his car, he started making his way to the front entrance. About halfway there, he stopped. There, coming toward him was Colonel Mackenzie. Still wearing that USMC sweatshirt and jeans, she had a duffle bag thrown over her shoulder and kept throwing nervous glances behind her. She knew as well as he did that she was supposed to stay in bed for two more days.
AJ was in a quandry. If he stopped her and ordered her back to bed, she might simply wait for him to leave and then sneak out again. But he didn’t want to just let her go. Who knew where she’d head to if she was simply trying to get away. Stepping behind an SUV so she wouldn’t see him, he watched as she stopped and looked around. Her corvette was in between AJ and his car, and she started toward it. Moving between the cars, Chegwidden waited for her to find it and get in before jogging over to and getting back in his own. When she pulled out of the lot, he followed.
Relieved when she started heading toward Harm’s apartment, he almost turned off to drive home. But something, some nagging feeling in the back of his mind, made him follow her. So when she pulled into the space in front of Harm’s apartment, he rounded the block again and parked a little ways down the street. The lights in Harm’s apartment weren’t on, but Mac headed into the building anyway, clutching something in one hand. While he waited to see if she came back out, he thought about earlier that afternoon.
Her request for immediate, terminal leave had shocked him. The Marine Corps was her life; if anything, he had expected her to want to throw herself back into her work right away. She had done it before. He had been prepared to order her to take some vacation time. So when she asked to resign, he had just stared at her. It was an irrational move, and if anything didn’t describe Colonel Mackenzie, it was irrational. Throughout his time as her commanding officer, Admiral Chegwidden had admired her ability to be the voice of reason even in the face of Harm’s…well, irrational behavior.
Obviously, things were different this time. Too many things had happened to her when she was too stressed to handle them. Rubbing a hand over his head in frustration, Chegwidden cursed his decision to let her work the Albarado case. Not the original case, but the search for him after he escaped. He should have known that when she asked for a break that she was incredibly stressed; she’s not the type to just ask for vacation. He should have ordered her then to stay off the case right from the beginning. And after he didn’t, he began to second guess himself. That was why he’d asked Harm if she needed to come off the case. Those two had an uncanny sense for each other’s needs. Why hadn’t Harm seen it? Why hadn’t he seen it himself?
Admiral Chegwidden’s train of thought was interrupted when Mac came back out of Harm’s building. She had left whatever she’d been holding before, and she walked slowly over to her car. In AJ’s eyes, she looked almost reluctant to leave. Before getting into her sports car, she looked up at the window to Harm’s place one last time. Standing there in the harsh light of a lamp post, he could clearly see the physical toll the whole mess had taken on her. Always slim, she was downright skinny now, and her skin and hair didn’t have that usual luster that made her so beautiful. Chegwidden wasn’t sure, but he thought he saw her brush away a tear before finally settling back into the ‘vette. Keeping his distance, he followed her again as she drove away.
Monday, April 21
2330 Local
I-95 South
Mac was whipped. She was amazed at how much strength just driving had drained from her. She found her head nodding and struggled to keep her eyes open and decided it was time to call it a night before she fell asleep and killed herself. She’d already put some distance between herself and the rest of her world. Taking a break wouldn’t make a difference now. Pulling off at the next available exit, she drove slowly, looking for a hotel. That wasn’t what she found, though. She had been heading towards some of the large neon signs for hotels when she found herself driving through a strip mall. There was a liquor store on the corner, and almost before she realized it, she had parked the ‘vette and was standing just to the right of the front door.
Against her will, her arm reached out and pulled the door open, and her legs carried her in. On auto pilot, she found herself standing in front of rows upon rows of vodka. It had always been her weakness, and she felt drawn to it. Standing there, she felt her heart begin to beat a bit faster in anxiety. She didn’t want to do this…but it was so tempting. Just to lose herself in the alcohol for the first time in what, four years? The last time hadn’t been that bad, in the end. Things had gotten messy after Dalton died, but Harm had been there to help her pick up the pieces. He wasn’t here now, though. He wouldn’t be here to help her fix it. And there was no one to hide this from.
Letting her eyes drift to a bottle right in front of her, she took a step forward. Heart pounding in her chest, she reached out a shaky hand and cautiously picked it up. Handling it the way you might handle a dangerous snake, she turned it in her hands. Her mouth was surprisingly dry, and she struggled to swallow against the lump in her throat. Images of all the things that had happened to her in the last month flicked in and out of her consciousness as she ran her fingers over the glass. This could take them away.
But those weren’t the only things she saw. First and foremost, she kept seeing the look in Harm’s eyes when she had shown up drunk four years ago. There had been no judgment there, just care and compassion. He would be so disappointed if she did this now. ‘I can’t do this,’ she thought, and with an awkward jerk of her arm she shoved it back on the shelf. Lowering her eyes to keep herself from continuing to stare at the shelves and clenching her fists to keep from reaching out again, she turned to leave. Seeing someone in front of her, she moved to step around him, but felt a hand on her shoulder.
Startled, she looked up to meet his gaze, and her mouth dropped open. “Admiral! I, uh-”
He interrupted her with a comforting squeeze to her shoulder. “Semper fi, Colonel,” he said softly but emphatically. Taking her elbow he led her from the store, saying, “Walk with me.” A little wide-eyed, she went with him.
Once they were back outside, he released her arm. Chegwidden matched his stride to hers and they walked in slow silence up the sidewalk; AJ glancing at the stores as they passed, Mac just looking at the ground. Chegwidden wanted Mac to speak first, and he gave her the time she needed to compose herself. Judging from the expressions on her face, it must have been quite the battle she waged with herself. Thank God she’d made the right choice. When she drifted to a stop, he stood next to her and turned his head to look at her. She appeared to be lost in her thoughts, gazing out across the parking lot. Eventually, she took a deep breath and seemed to shake the cobwebs away. Looking up at him, she asked, “What would you have done if I bought it?”
“Broken both your arms,” he said flatly. She smiled a little at that, and looked back out into the night. “Why’d you leave, Mac?”
“I don’t really know the answer to that myself, sir,” she responded. Shaking her head, she said, “It’s always easier to leave than it is to go back.”
“You have friends at home. They’re going to be missing you soon.”
Mac nodded. “I know,” she said softly. “Sir, I…. I don’t mean to hurt anyone. It’s just that everything was just building up on me. I needed to be alone, to get away. Harm doesn’t understand.”
“You don’t give him enough credit, Colonel. Maybe he was just afraid that this would happen,” he said, waving a hand back towards the liquor shop.
Mac tilted her head in acknowledgement. “Maybe.”
“Were you going to come back?”
Embarrassed at her foolishness, Mac turned away. “I don’t think so, sir. Once you start running, home just gets farther and farther behind. Easier to forget.”
Raising one eyebrow, Chegwidden looked at her intently. “Seems like the kind of friends you have would be hard to forget.”
“And you among them. Thank you for finding me, sir,” Mac smiled at him. Sighing, she ran a distracted hand through her hair and turned to walk back to her ‘vette. “I was looking for a hotel.”
“There are some just up the road,” Chegwidden muttered gruffly. He hated it when his people spoke to him like that. Too damn intimate. He barely admitted to himself how much he liked all of them. Mac nodded in response, and they made their way slowly back to their cars.
It only took a few minutes to find a hotel, and AJ walked Mac to her room. “Good night, sir,” she said as she stepped inside.
“Good night, and Mac? Things will only get better from here. You know where to come if you need to talk,” he said, still looking at her intently. With a tired but truly grateful smile, she nodded and closed the door.
Admiral Chegwidden made his way through the small hotel to his own room. Once inside, he picked up the phone. He had some calls to make. First on his list was Commander Turner, he was going to have to be acting JAG for tomorrow. There was no answer at his house, so he called his cell phone.
“Commander Turner.”
“Commander, this is Admiral Chegwidden.”
“Admiral! I’m glad it’s you sir, there’s a bit of a problem here,” he said, concern evident in his voice.
“If you’re talking about the Colonel, Commander, she’s alright.”
“You know where she is, sir?” Sturgis asked in surprise. He watched as Harm looked up from where he’d fallen to his knees after calling the hospital.
“I do, that’s why I’m calling.”
“Is she okay, sir?”
“She’s fine, I was with her earlier. I need you to be acting JAG tomorrow, Commander. I’m not going to be back until the afternoon.”
“Yes, sir,” Sturgis responded automatically.
Harm was on his feet now. “Where is she?” he asked, stepping closer.
Sturgis held up a hand for him to wait, and asked, “Where are you?”
“A hotel in some town off I-95. I’ll explain everything later, but I need to call Commander Rabb right now.”
“Actually, sir, he’s right here.” Sturgis had barely finished his sentence before Harm was speaking into the phone.
“Sir? Is she okay? Where is she? What’s happened?” Harm couldn’t get the questions out fast enough.
“Rabb, she’s fine. That’s why I’m calling,” Chegwidden repeated with more patience than he felt.
Tuesday, April 22
0840 Local
Holiday Inn, south of Fredericksburg
Mac woke up the next morning feeling as close to refreshed as she had in a long time. There had been no nightmares and she had slept deeply, waking up later than usual. Feeling almost cheerful, she took a shower and dressed. She had agreed to meet the admiral for breakfast in the little hotel dinning room. They hadn’t decided on a time, so she allowed herself to be leisurely getting ready.
Contemplating her generally good mood, she wondered if all she really had to do was get a full night’s sleep. Talking to the admiral had also done wonders. They hadn’t spoken about all the gory details, but just describing her indecision seemed to lift the weight from her shoulders. ‘Admiral Chegwidden can do that anyway,’ she mused. He just had that kind of soothing personality when he wanted to use it. Now, if only things could be better between herself and Harm.
She made her way down to the dining room and found the admiral already sitting near a window, sipping coffee. Suddenly nervous, she smoothed her shirt and ran her fingers through her hair. Breathing deeply, she walked over to him and sat down. “Good morning, sir.”
“Morning, Mac,” he replied. He gestured to the pitcher of coffee between them. “Help yourself.”
Mac could feel him looking at her as she poured herself a cup. Gripping her mug tightly, she avoided his gaze by looking absently out the window. She wasn’t sure why she was suddenly so anxious. She felt like she needed to explain some things but didn’t know where to start. Taking a deep breath, she decided to dive right in. “Sir, about yesterday, I’m sorry I ran out like that. It was stupid, I know. I meant no disrespect, I mean, disobeying your order wasn’t what I had in mind. You know I wouldn’t usually do something like that. It’s not like me. And, just so you know, I wouldn’t have ever gotten myself drunk, not like that. Not now. I mean, Admiral, I know old habits die hard but I think I’m past not being able to keep myself from…” she finally met his gaze and was surprised at the amusement she saw there. “What?”
“You know what your problem is, Colonel?”
“Ah, do you?”
“You think too much,” he said bluntly, his eyes still glinting with suppressed laughter.
“Well that’s why I’m a lawyer,” she replied indignantly. Chegwidden did laugh at that. After a moment, Mac asked, “Do you really think so, sir?”
The tone of her voice begged a serious answer, and AJ gave it a moment’s thought. “Mac, what I know about your childhood isn’t good, and I’ve seen first hand a lot of the things that went wrong with your adult life,” he said, and Mac turned her eyes away again. “Those things would make anyone thoughtful. But, Mac, the large majority of those things were out of your hands. You’re right when you say your ability to think things through is one of the things that make you a good lawyer. But sometimes you do over think things. Sometimes all you should do is feel and react.”
“I feel,” she said, biting her lip. “I just don’t know how to react.”
“Well that’s the hell of it, Colonel. No one does.” AJ sat back and watched her as she stared blankly at the window and continued to chew on her lower lip. Speaking of reacting, he wasn’t sure how she would react to his little piece of news. He had to tell her soon. “Mac,” he began, “I called Harm last night.”
Mac snapped back to attention and stared at him. “You what?”
“I thought he could come out here and-”
“And what? God, Admiral…I trusted you!” She pushed away abruptly from the table and stood up angrily.
AJ stood up with her. “Mac,” he said, and put a hand on her arm. “He’s going to be here soon. You should talk to him.”
Yanking her arm away from him, she spun around to walk away and came to a dead stop. Harm was standing in the entranceway to the dining room, dressed in civvies, hands in his pockets. He was watching her with intense blue eyes that looked so uncharacteristically uncertain. It wasn’t something she saw in him often. Mac stood there, stunned. She couldn’t tear her eyes from his. She didn’t move when she felt the admiral place his hand on her arm again.
Speaking softly, he said, “I’m going to go back to JAG, now. Talk to him. Unless I’m mistaken, he’s your closest friend,” he waited until she nodded. “He’ll be the best one to help you through this.” Squeezing her arm, he headed out the door with a nod to Harm as he passed.
Harm nodded at him in return, but he didn’t stop looking at Mac. They stood that way for a long time, staring at each other from opposite ends of the room. Finally, Mac moved. Rubbing her hands nervously against her jeans, she moved cautiously to where Harm was standing. She stopped when there were still a few feet between them. Not knowing what to say, she just stood there looking at him.
Harm hadn’t moved at all as she came over to him. He was afraid if he moved she might spook and run. She looked so vulnerable and all he wanted to do was make it better for her. Dragging his gaze from hers, he looked around. “Where can we go to talk?”
Silently, she motioned with her head for him to follow her as she began to walk back to her room. Harm said nothing, but winced mentally when she skirted a few feet around him as she passed through the doorway. This was going to be difficult for both of them. He took the walk back to look her over. She looked a little bit better than she had the other day; no doubt due to a good night’s sleep, but better doesn’t qualify as good. There was a tense line to her shoulders as she walked in front of him, and she still had a sad feel about her that made him want to give her a hug. He kept his hands in his pockets to keep himself from doing just that. If they were going to have any physical contact, Mac would have to instigate it. Harm had learned his lesson.
When she stopped at her door, he kept his distance. His heart jumped right up to his throat when he saw her fumble with the key card because her hands were shaking so badly. “Mac, if you’d rather do this somewhere else…”
“No, it’s okay,” she said, and let out a relieved breath when she finally got the door open. Before Harm even had a chance to walk into the little room, she was through the opening and across the room. As he slowly came in, she hugged her arms tighter around herself and seemed to have to force herself to face him. Even so, her eyes darted from one object to another, never meeting his. Harm took his cue from her and stood just within the main room, really halfway in the short entry hall. Once again, a lengthy silence enveloped them.
Finally, Harm took his hands from his pockets and put one on his hip. The other came up to rub nervously through his hair, and he looked at her. “Mac, I need to apologize for the way I acted yesterday. I should never have pushed you like that.”
“Don’t be sorry for that, Harm,” she said softly. “You couldn’t have expected my reaction. *I* wouldn’t have expected my reaction.”
“Why did you run?”
There was pain in his voice that Mac hadn’t expected. Looking up cautiously, she met his gaze. Even from across the room, she could see the pain in his eyes as well. “Oh, Harm,” she whispered, “I don’t know. I never meant to hurt you. I just panicked, I guess.”
“Mac, I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want to help you through this,” he said adamantly, trying to express his sincerity through his eyes. “I want you to be able to let me help.”
Looking to where her hands were rubbing nervously against each other, she replied softly, “I don’t know how, Harm.”
“Mac, you don’t ever have to handle everything on your own. Your friends are there to help. That’s why I’m here now.” When she continued to stare at her hands, he continued, “I know it’s hard. It’s a system of give and take. We can meet in the middle and help each other through the hardest of times. But I need you to meet me halfway.”
Mac was watching him now, and he took one very deliberate step foreword. He stopped then, and waited for her reaction. She didn’t move for a long time, and he was beginning to think she wouldn’t. Still gazing into his deep blue eyes, she hesitantly took a small step foreward.
Mac felt like Harm must have been able to hear her heart pounding. As they continued to take small steps toward each other, one after the other, her need to have him hold her and her fear of that very thing increased until she could barely think straight. He was so close now, and with his last step, he was almost arm’s length away. Now it was up to her. Mac had only to take the last step and she’d be nearly in his arms. She couldn’t calm her breathing down. ‘He must think I’m nuts,’ she thought. But he didn’t look away, and he waited patiently for her to move.
It was too much. Too much emotion building in her, and she had to turn away. Closing her eyes, she dropped her chin to her chest and brought one hand up to press against her lips. “Mac, look at me,” Harm said softly.
Shaking her head, she whispered, “I can’t.”
“You can,” he insisted. “Look at me.”
She lifted her face to him before she opened her eyes. When she finally did, she could see the concern and compassion swirling there. Holding his gaze, she took the final step to him so that they were standing mere inches apart.
Harm had to struggle not to pull her into a huge hug. She looked so lost. She was still looking up at him with those beautiful brown eyes, breathing ragged. Tentatively, she took one hand and touched her fingertips to his chest. That’s all it took for Harm. Bringing one hand up to grasp hers and holding it gently to his chest, he brought the other up to her face and used his thumb to caress her cheek. He did everything slowly, giving her warning and the time to stop him if she wanted. Still pressing her one hand to him, he brought his other hand down to rub lightly against her throat, and he felt her rapid pulse beneath his fingers. The look in her eyes was wary, and he asked softly, “Are you afraid?”
She was still gazing into his eyes, trying to get her mind to catch up with her heart. Here was the man she loved, and she had to work not to bolt at his touch. “Not of you, Harm,” she whispered. “It’s just, I can’t stop remembering…”
She looked away again. That wouldn’t do. Sliding his hand back up to her chin, he lifted her face to him. “Mac, you have nothing to be ashamed of,” he said ardently. “Don’t be afraid to let me know what you feel. Please,” he pleaded. “Please tell me.”
Swallowing noisily, she brought her other hand up to lay flat against his chest. Unable to hold his gaze, she looked at where her right hand was held in his left. Moving to tangle their fingers together, she watched the hands rise and fall to the rhythm of Harm’s breathing. “Harm,” she finally managed to force out through her tight throat, “it was so close. No one knows, but it was so close.”
Harm closed his eyes at the anguish in her voice. He was so angry that someone would have hurt her that way. Opening them again, he pushed her hair back from the ear that Gard had bitten. The deep wound was bad enough that it would have been stitched shut if it hadn’t been a bite. Tracing the angry red mark with is thumb, he watched as she twitched, but didn’t pull away. “I’m so sorry I let this happen to you, Sarah,” he said softly.
Mac looked up at him with large eyes. “You didn’t, Harm. There was nothing you could have done.”
How ironic. She was trying to comfort him. He smiled wryly at her. “Or you.” He let his gaze drift to the other red, crescent shaped marks that left a trail down the left side of her neck, and he could only imagine there were more that were covered by her shirt. Tracing them with his fingertips, he wondered that anyone could *want* to hurt her. Bringing his gaze away from her neck, he found her watching him, eyes soft. He let his hand drift over to the pulse in her neck and was pleased that it had slowed from the panicked beat. “Mac, do you remember when you asked me how you could ever know what was real?”
When she nodded, he untangled their fingers and pressed her right hand flat over his heart. She could feel the solid, strong beat of his heart through her palm. “That’s real,” he said. She nodded again, still gazing up at him with those wonderful eyes. Gazing into them he was overwhelmed by the desire to kiss her. Leaning forward slowly, he cautiously brushed his lips against hers, pulling away to make sure she didn’t feel trapped.
She didn’t. Maybe it was what she’d needed all along, but it was as if with that one little touch all of the trepidation she had was gone. Where every time he had touched her the day before she had only thought of Gard, and the pain he caused her, now it was all Harm that she was seeing. And wanting. Still pressing her one hand against his chest, she slid her other arm around his neck. Standing on her tiptoes, she pressed her lips against his. Initially surprised, Harm responded by bringing both of his hands down to her waist, dragging her closer. He could no longer feel any tension in her. She was supple and pliant in his arms, and now she was asking for entrance to his mouth with her tongue. Harm stroked her hair as he let her in, feeling her tongue playing with his, lightly caressing him. It was sweet and gentle and when she pulled away for breath and rested her head on his chest she was smiling.
Her smile broadened when Harm nuzzled into her hair. “Mac, you’ll never know how much I’ve missed you,” he mumbled breathlessly.
“Probably as much as I’ve missed you,” she said. Mac leaned back to look at him, bringing one hand up to his face. “I’m so sorry for how I treated you.” When he started to protest, she shushed him with a finger on his lips. “No, Harm. I mean it. I knew all along that I could trust you; if I was going to run I should have gone to you.”
“I wish you had, but I think I understand.” Kissing her forehead, he brought both hands up to run through her hair. Harm grinned when her eyes drifted closed at the sensation, and he massaged her head with the fingers of both hands. Leaning her head back into his hands, her still smiling lips parted slightly. Her exposed throat was too tempting to resist, and he leaned down to nuzzle her soft skin, nudging her head even further back, supporting her head with his hands. At the first touch of his lips on her skin her eyes popped open and she brought her hand up to her throat, covering it protectively.
Harm instantly backed off, straightening and looking her in the eye. “Are you okay?”
Mac didn’t say anything. She was afraid if she tried to speak she would fall into a million little pieces, and even Harm wouldn’t be able to put her back together. Leaning into his embrace, she rested her forehead on his chest and struggled to calm down. Feeling the way she shuddered with every breath, Harm walked her slowly over to the bed. Sitting with his back propped up against the wall, he pulled her down next to him. Wrapping his arms around her shoulders, he held her tightly to him. He could have cheered with relief when she warmed to his embrace and leaned her head in the crook of his shoulder, curling her legs up next to her.
They sat that way for a long time before Harm broke the silence. “I’m sorry, Mac. I should have known better.”
Bringing one hand up to his chest, she shook her head. “I didn’t even know, Harm. It was unexpected,” she muttered. “How can everything be fine and then it just…isn’t?”
Harm didn’t know what to say, so he said nothing. The silence drew out again. Harm wasn’t sure it would be best to start the conversation he wanted to have. Leaning his head back against the wall, he gathered his courage and finally said, “Mac, I really have no idea what you went through. If I’m going to help you through this, I should know.”
He could feel her tense in his arms even though she didn’t move to get up. She turned her head so her face was buried in his chest and took several deep, calming breaths that left her almost smiling with his scent. Sighing, she leaned her cheek against him again. “What do you want to know?”
“You remember when you told the admiral you felt like you’d just climbed out of the rabbit hole?”
“Mm-hmm,” she nodded.
“Tell me about Wonderland,” Harm said softly.
Tuesday, April 22
1340 Local
Holiday Inn, south of Fredericksburg
Harm lay staring at the ceiling of the hotel room. Mac was still curled up next to him, head on his chest. She’d fallen asleep not long after she finished recounting everything she remembered about her coma-reality. Despite the fact that she’d slept well last night, she had some sleep coming to her; even if it was the middle of the afternoon. Besides, telling her story seemed to have exhausted her in and of itself.
Something within his chest tightened as he remembered her telling of her feelings of guilt and pain and inability to do anything about it. She had struggled to describe the way her emotions had swung from one extreme to the other, eventually just saying that she could have been laughing one minute and sobbing the next. It was all very bizarre, even in memory. He was only thankful that her near-rape experience hadn’t made an appearance in her dreams. That could have been very ugly, indeed. As it was, he was fairly certain that just speaking about it had lifted some of the uneasiness that had been so much a part of her these last few days. Recovery may or may not go slowly, but he had every confidence that she would recover. He was sure that they would be able to pick back up where they had left off.
He felt Mac stretch next to him and heard her sigh deeply. As she began to wake up, one hand roamed over his chest, fingers playing over his muscles. He was smiling at the contact when her hand began to wander lower. ‘That’s going to have to stop,’ he thought, and grasped her hand in his.
She stretched again, pressing against him, and opened one eye. “Hey,” she mumbled sleepily.
“Hey,” he said and rubbed a thumb over her hand so she wouldn’t realize he had taken it to stop her movements.
“It’s 1346,” she said. “We should eat lunch.”
Harm smiled. If she was thinking about food, she was clearly on the way back to her normal self. “You’d have to get up to do that,” he responded.
“Hmmm, I don’t know. I kind of like us right where we are.” She tilted her head up to look at him. “Have I thanked you lately?”
He just smiled. “Come on, let’s get up.”
They went down to the dining room where Mac and the admiral had met that morning. “Seems like days ago,” Mac commented as they sat.
“I know what you mean.” He watched her as she perused the menu. “Do you think you’ll be okay, Mac?”
She looked at him over the menu and nodded. “As long as you meet me halfway, Harm. I can do anything.”
“Well, Sundance, I guess your blaze of glory is going to have to wait for another day,” he teased.
“You’re never going to let that go, are you?”
“Not until you give me something better,” he grinned.
“I don’t know, Harm. I thought ‘Beef’ was pretty good,” she said playfully.
“Do I get to have you for dinner?” It was supposed to be a teasing comment, but even as it rolled off his tongue he knew it didn’t sound that way. The way she looked at him then was enough to make his heart beat a little quicker.
“Is that what you want?” Mac asked in a low voice.
“Only if you want the same thing, Sarah,” he responded in an equally soft voice with a gravelly quality to it that he couldn’t hide.
Harm had to clear his throat quickly when the waitress walked up to take their orders. When she left, he found Mac looking at him with an amused expression. “What?” he asked.
“Just you,” she said with a small shrug, her smile broadening.
Harm narrowed his eyes at her in mock anger. “If you think,” he growled, “you can laugh at me just because a certain beautiful Marine lady does things to me, you’re very wrong.”
Mac raised an eyebrow and her teeth flashed as she grinned openly at him. “What do you think you’re going to do about it?”
Leaning forward, Harm scowled at her but the glint in his eye gave him away. “You’ll just have to wait and see,” he said and sat back with a superior smile.
“Oh, now I’m scared, Harm,” she rolled her eyes at him, and hid her grin behind one hand.
“You should be,” he said, still smirking.
Mac just shook her head and laughed. It was the first honest to goodness laugh he’d heard from her in days, and it sounded great. “Happiness suits you,” he heard himself say.
She cocked her head to one side and regarded him thoughtfully. “You know, I am happy Harm. Despite everything, when I’m with you I’m happy.”
She was looking at him with that look again. Half amused, half thoughtful. “What?” Harm asked again.
“Just you,” she emphasized, feigning annoyance at having to repeat herself.
“Care to be a little bit more specific?”
Mac smiled coyly. “Not yet.”
Tuesday, April 22
1750 Local
Mac’s Apartment
Harm followed Mac back to her apartment. Not because he thought she would run away again but because it was early and he just didn’t want to have to go home yet. Unbeknownst to Mac, Admiral Chegwidden had already given him the rest of the week off. Of course, that meant come Monday he was going to be up to his…elbows…in work. Especially since Mac would most likely still be out. Sturgis and Bud would probably be ready to murder them both by Friday.
Grinning at the thought, Harm got out of his SUV and walked over to where Mac was getting her duffle bag out of the corvette. “Let me get that,” he said, and when she started to protest, he snatched it from her grasp. “You’re still supposed to be in the hospital, not driving for hours on end and carrying heavy things,” he said firmly. Mac just shook her head and started up to her apartment.
When she opened the door and flipped the light switch, Mac was momentarily surprised. At her soft intake of breath, Harm looked at her curiously. “Everything alright?”
“Yeah, it just looks brighter than I remember,” she said with a nervous laugh. “Too much time spent in the dark, I guess.”
Mac walked over and flopped down on her couch, and Harm gestured to the bag. “Do you want this in your bedroom?”
“You can just leave it there. The bag is Harriet’s.” Dropping the bag in a chair, he went over to sit next to her on the sofa. Mac had already allowed her eyes to drift closed, but she peeked out through the corner of one. “I don’t think I’m going to be much company tonight, Harm.”
“I figured. But if you’re trying to kick me out it’s not going to be that easy,” he said. When she opened both eyes and let her head fall so she was looking at him, he went on. “See, the doctors called the admiral, and I guess that they only agreed to you staying at home if you had someone to watch you.”
Mac sat up. “Harm, I don’t need a baby sitter.”
“I’m not going to baby sit you. But I am under orders to stay here.”
“Admiral Chegwidden ordered you to stay at my apartment?” Harm nodded. “That’s so ironic,” she laughed a little as she leaned back into the cushions.
“I thought so, too,” Harm grinned.
“Don’t get to close,” Mac mimicked, gesturing grandly. “You’re going to be working together!”
Harm laughed outright. “Little did he know.”
Mac looked up at the ceiling, grinning. “So you’re at my beck and call?” she asked mischievously.
“Your every wish is my command, Madame,” he replied.
“Hmmmm, this could be fun,” she pondered out loud. “Think of all the things I could have you do! The laundry, the dishes…”
Harm cleared his throat. “Well, Madame, I will not be doing petty chores while I am here.”
“Oh, really? Then what will you be doing?”
“I act only on your deepest desires.”
The closeness was affecting her, and she felt a blush start to creep up her neck at the thought of Harm actually reading her deepest thoughts. “How do you know what my deepest desires are?” she asked softly.
“I just know,” he whispered, leaning a little closer.
“Really?” Mac breathed, turning her head to look at him.
Harm put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her flush against him. Rubbing their noses together, he said, “Really.” Kissing her lightly, he ran his hand down her arm. “But if you have any requests, feel free to demand away.”
‘Oh yeah,’ Mac thought, ‘I can think of a few things.’ But her reaction to him earlier that morning left her feeling that even if she thought she was ready for more, she needed to be careful. She couldn’t risk another seemingly random reaction. She’d scare *him* away. Out loud, she said, “Dinner.”
She had to giggle at his expression. He looked like he was trying to figure out which step he missed. “Dinner? Are you sure?” he asked, kissing her again.
Mac kissed him back, then nodded seriously. “Dinner.”
Harm just stared at her for a moment, and then he seemed to understand. Raising one eyebrow, he stroked his chin as if deep in thought. “It’s your deepest desire, is it?”
“For now.”
“It’s always about food with you, isn’t it?”
“Not always,” she grinned. Shaking his head good naturedly, Harm got up and headed toward the kitchen.
“Dinner it is.”
He had to scramble with the ingredients in her kitchen but eventually he put together a nice, if not exactly gourmet, pasta dinner for the two of them. Dinner was mostly quiet, and he could see her fatigue catching up with her again. “Ready to call it a night?”
“Almost,” she said. She left him to do the dishes and changed into soft flannel pajamas. When she came back out, he was wiping the plates dry. “Thanks,” she said.
“For doing your dishes?” He asked with a small smile.
“Among other things.” Walking up behind him she wrapped her arms around him and rested her head against the broad expanse of his back. “What would I do without you?” she asked.
Turning around so he could hug her back, he said, “You’d die of a heart attack because of all the junk you eat.”
He felt her laugh into his chest. “You must be my savior, Harmon Rabb.” She looked up at him with a grin. “You feed me greens.”
“All for the better good,” he grinned back, but it faded as he looked at her. There was something about the way she was standing so close, in her pajamas, hair brushed back, eyes a little sleepy but still meeting his that made his heart catch in his throat. She was so beautiful, strong and vulnerable at the same time, and she trusted him. He had no doubt about it. He felt his eyes prickle at the thought of this wonderful woman trusting him, of all people.
Mac could see the tears and emotion building in his eyes. “Are you okay?” she asked softly.
“Never been better,” came his whispered reply. He brought one hand up to cup her cheek. “You’re so beautiful, Sarah Mackenzie.”
Leaning her head into his hand, she fought the urge to let her eyes close; she wanted to hold his gaze. He looked so very intense. She kept her half closed eyes on his when she felt him slide his other hand up her back to comb his fingers through her hair. “So beautiful,” he murmured. As he leaned in for a kiss, she finally allowed her eyes to flutter closed.
His lips met hers in a tender, caressing kiss. Harm struggled to keep his control in check. Now was not the time to lose it, but when she pressed her whole body against his he nearly threw it out the window. The rumbling noise that came from the back of his throat surprised even him. “Sarah,” he mumbled against her lips. “You can’t keep doing things like that.”
She responded by bringing both arms up around his neck and pulling him closer for another kiss, this time sliding her tongue along his lips. He groaned again when she opened her mouth beneath his. She was so warm and inviting, and if it didn’t stop soon he was going to embarrass himself. But he couldn’t stop with her so soft and passionate in his arms. She was driving him crazy with every touch. He accepted her invitation, his tongue darting into her mouth to taste her. Turning them around so that Mac was pressed between him and the counter, he stroked her hair with one hand and brought the other up to tentatively touch one breast while his mouth continued to devour her.
He felt her shiver at his touch, and he broke the kiss, unsure. One look in her eyes gave him his answer. Her almost black eyes were full of nothing but desire, and even as she gasped for breath she tried to pull him closer again. Holding desperately to the last shreds of his will power, he said roughly, “We need to stop.”
Still holding him close to her, she asked breathlessly, “Why?”
“You said you were tired.”
“I have all week to sleep.”
“You’re not ready,” he whispered, unable to stop his hands from running up and down her body.
“I am.” Mac was enjoying this immensely. He was trying so hard to be good. But having only moderate success, she noted with a grin as his hand brushed a little more firmly against her breast.
“You weren’t this morning,” he argued. Part of him wanted to take her right there in the kitchen, but the larger part need to know she was truly ready.
She smiled seductively up at him. “Things change,” she whispered.
“In eight hours?” he asked.
Mac reached up and started pressing little kisses along his jaw line. “Yes.” Her voice was muffled against his skin.
“How?” He turned his head so that their lips met again. He could barely remember why he was arguing with this beautiful woman who was being so clear about what she wanted.
“I trust you,” she said, and then kissed him lightly. “I love you.” She ran one hand down to his waistline, and tugged his shirt out of his pants. “I want you.” She tugged him even closer. “I need you,” she whispered, playing with his belt buckle. Harm’s jaw dropped just a fraction at that, and she took the opportunity to kiss him deeply. “Just you,” she repeated with a lusty note to her voice, letting her hands slip under his shirt to brush against his warm skin.
That was all he needed. He drew her to him into a crushing embrace, pressing his lips against hers. She opened her mouth to him again, and all was lost. Sliding his hands down he grabbed her thighs and pulled her up onto the counter. She wrapped her legs around him and drew him forcefully against her, rocking her hips against his obvious desire for her. Harm’s hands wanted to be everywhere. Frustrated at the cloth that separated them, he broke his kiss long enough to rip her flannel top over her head.
It stopped him for a moment. The red little bite marks that were visible on her neck did indeed go further below her collar. They marked a path across her collar bone and down to one breast. Tracing them with his fingers, he looked back up to meet her gaze. She was just watching him, still hugging him intimately close with her legs around his waist.
“Are you sure you can do this?” he asked one last time, voice thick with a combination of emotions that he couldn’t even begin to separate and identify.
“I can,” she said with a smile. “But it works better with two.”
Harm laughed and leaned his forehead against hers. “Lucky me.” His eyes were a mixture of mirth and desire and love when he asked, “Meet me halfway?”