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Spoilers: Silent Service to Goodbyes.
1700 hours
13 Mar 99
Mac’s Office
It had been a cold and miserable winter. For the last six months nothing seem to going right. They had gotten so close before disaster struck her down. It had come from a source she had long forgotten about. Her ex husband had shown up. Her happy life was destroyed.
Mac sat in her office wondering if her life would ever be the same. At one time the sky seem to be the limit. She had gone to Russia with him to help search for his father The week they had spent together in Russia was wonderful except for being shot down. It was just the two of them with no outside pressure or advice from well meaning friends. They had really bonded. It seemed like they were getting really close. She had even spent a couple nights sleeping in his arms. They were able to talk about how they felt. She had been there every step of the way for him. When he found out how his father had died protecting a woman from being rape. The woman had saved his father after his escape. His father had nearly die in cold of winter She had been there for him, to comfort him in his time of need.
She thought Harm would finally be able to move on and let someone into his life to love and be loved. They had spent the weekend at his mother’s house upon returning from Russia and then a few days at his Grandmother’s farm. They had explained to Trish and Grandma Sarah what had happened to Harm Senior after he was shot down in Viet Nam.
Mac had been surprise to see that it brought relief to both of them, but somehow not quite to Harm. She didn’t completely understand this. She knew his father was very important to him. That his father indirectly was a major influence in his life, after all Harm did join the Navy and become an aviator, but his father was only a small part of Harm’s life for five years.
There have been many more people in Harm’s life who were more influential, his mother and grandmother came quickly to mind. But there were also the CAG, the Admiral, Keeter, and even Diane, her look alike. In many ways she had been the most influential of them all. She had been there to nurture him and console him through the academy years and after he had the ramp strike. But for some reason Harm actually seem to fall back into his shell even further after finding out the truth, that his father was dead. She had hope to be there to help him deal with the pain of finally knowing his father was dead and wasn’t ever going to be coming back. But somehow after maintaining a brave front with his mother and grandmother, he seemed to becoming depress.
But then it all fell apart. Her husband Chris showed up at a time Harm was busy with Boobie Latham, the bitch from bureaucratic hell. What was it with that woman. Every time there was a problem affecting the military, she showed up flexing her scrawny anemic muscles. And of course she would always run to Harm and tell Harm how to do his job. Funny thing was ninety nine percent of the time she was wrong about whatever it was. She was always ill prepared and misinformed. She was a pain in the six
Anyways she needed Harm that night, but he was cooking dinner for Boobie. She didn’t want to intrude. She didn’t know what was going on with the she devil, so she told Harm she would to talk to him later hoping that he would follow her out, but of course he didn’t. Why couldn’t he put her needs first She was totally disappointed and hurt. How could Harm, who knew her better than she knew herself, not know she needed him. After all she followed him to Russia All he had to do was follow her out the door. He had always been there for her, except for that night.
Soon there after her life fell apart. Chris was looking for a handout. A dingo from Australia had arrive into her life to harass her. And Harm wasn’t there for her. She ended up killing her husband in self defense because he wouldn’t leave
Even though Harm defended her in the trial and defended her in public, he emotionally deserted her. They never did talk about Chris. She had married him during the summer between her junior and senior years to get away from her abusive father. The marriage had turned out not to be legal because she wasn’t eighteen at the time and needed permission from a parent to get married. It’s why she never got a divorce. She could only assume that Harm was angry with her because she never told him about Chris.
She also suspected Harm was disappointed in her for having an affair with Colonel John Farrow her Commanding Officer when she was twenty four when she was still young and naive. She had hoped that eventually they would talk about it, but that wasn’t going to be the case.
She thought everything was going to be okay between them after their trip to Iran to rescued his best friend Jack Keeter. She had spent several days with Jack finding out more about the Harm’s younger days and other things she didn’t know Why he was afraid to open up and why he didn’t express his feelings. She thought he had overcome his disappointment and had forgiven her. He had hugged her warmly goodbye before he left her in the desert. He seem desperate to let her know he still cared for her even though they were going through a rough spot He even gave her a bigger hug when she returned to the Seahawk a couple of days later when she arrived with Keeter. It appeared he was so happy to see her. She felt so love at that moment. She felt they would overcome her not telling him about Chris.
But instead everything fell apart soon there after. Missing the emotional contact with Harm, Mac became a big sister to Chloe. Soon after Harm had decided to start a relationship with Jordan at Christmas time. She was a pretty blond anemic navy commander who was arrested for driving drunk and crashing into a nativity scene. Harm, ever the need to be the white knight, came to the rescue of the damsel in distress.
She had hoped that she and Harm could get back to where their relationship was before Chris had shown up. That they would make up and spend the holidays together. Maybe start talking about moving their relationship forward to the next level. Was his dating Jordan suppose to be his way of punishing her for not being completely honest with him. It was so hard for her to talk about her past. It was filled with so much pain, suffering, and abandonment. He knew this. Why couldn’t he understand?
Now three months later it all looked so hopeless. She and Harm were fighting all the time now. They couldn’t agree how to defend their clients anymore. They were hardly talking to each other except when absolutely necessary. She didn’t know how much more of this she could stand.
Maybe it was time for her to start thinking about transferring. She couldn’t live her life this way, not sleeping and eating. She had already lost fifteen pounds that she really couldn’t afford to lose in the first place. Maybe it was time to see the Admiral about leaving. Anything had to be better than this. It was almost time to go home. Home to a place where it seem no one wanted to be. What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t anyone love her? Why didn’t Harm love her?
1100 hours
20 March 1999
Jag Headquarters
A week later Harm and Mac were standing in the Admiral’s office. The look on the Admiral’s face scared Mac. It wasn’t often she saw this side of him and it never was very good. He also was having them stand at attention longer then usual. “At ease and have a seat.” ordered the Admiral.
“What’s going on between you two? You’ve had disagreements before and found a way to work through them. Can either one of you tell me what’s happening?” asked a frustrated Admiral. “We’ve seem to have hit a bump in the road Sir. We’ve been having difficulty agreeing on how to present our defense. The Commander believes his way is always better, I do not.” replied Mac. “Do you agree Commander?” asked the Admiral. “Yes Sir. We seem to have hit an impasse. I don’t see it changing anytime soon Sir.” answered Harm.
“Well I’m taking you both off the case. Your client isn’t happy with either one of you. I have a more important case for the both of you anyway Seems that the USS Watertown developed some problems and surfaced in the middle of a sailing regatta. Can I trust that the two of you can work together on this?” asked the Admiral.
“Yes Sir! We’ll do our best.” they both replied. “Good! I also expect the two of you to work out whatever the problem is. Have I made myself clear?” bellowed the Admiral. “Yes Sir!” they both replied. “See Tiner about travel arrangements to the USS Watertown.
2000 hours
Barents Sea
USS Watertown
Nine hours later they were lowered from the helicopter to the USS Watertown. It had been a long trip and they both were tired. All they wanted to do was to grab some rack time. They were greeted by the Commander and his Executive Office (XO).
“Commander Rabb, Major MacKenzie good to see you. I hope you can figure out what happen.” greeted the Commander. “Yes Sir. We plan on conducting an investigation tomorrow morning Sir.” replied Harm. “I know the two of you must be exhausted after your long trip here to the Watertown. Unfortunately due to some unforeseen illness aboard ship we have only one available cabin. You’ll both have to share it. I assume that won’t be a problem?” offered the Commander. “No Sir!” they both replied. “Good. XO will show you to your cabin. Dismiss.” ordered the Commander
‘Just what I need, to be stuck in the same room as Harm. It’s bad enough there isn’t a lot of room to move around on this damm boat, but now I have to share a cabin with him. Argh !!!!!!!’ Mac screamed to herself as she quietly walked behind Harm to their quarters.
‘God what am I going to do? Here I am in a dream come true sharing a room with Mac and we’re fighting. She’s so beautiful. At least I’ll have a bed to watch her sleep from this time. She looks like an angel when she’s sleeping.’ thought Harm as he walked along.
The next morning they began their interviews. Mac was having problems with her pen. It seemed to be out of ink. “XO give her your PDA (palm digital assistant).” ordered the Commander. “Yes Sir.” moaned the XO. Mac took the palm recorder with reservations. She and Harm spent the next couple of the days interviewing everyone who was on watch at the time of the incident. The only conclusive thing they could come up with it must have been something they ate. All the crew on duty had eaten the pancakes and hash browns.
When they retired for the night back in their cabin there still was tension between the two of them. Mac was tired of the tension between them. She was tired of the fighting Something had to give. In the past they had been able to deal with their problems better when they were away from Washington. She had thought, maybe they might be able to so again, maybe they could talk. They were quite far away from Washington They had the privacy of the cabin to talk. Maybe they could come to some sort of an understanding. They needed to do something. She couldn’t live like this anymore.
Meanwhile Harm had been quietly contemplating what to do next. He hated fighting with Mac She could be so stubborn at times. Why couldn’t she just let him lead the investigation. Allow him to choose the direction of the path they took. Why did she have to fight him every step of the way. They always seemed to get along better when she let him decide how they were going to do things, when she was honest with him. She was suppose to be the stable one, do things by the book. He needed her to be his anchor. He was lost when she wasn’t. Life was difficult enough in the navy fighting the waves of self doubts he had about himself, especially now that he knew his father was dead and never coming home. He needed her to be his rock, not another wave of doubt in his life. He didn’t want to doubt her friendship and love.
“Harm, I think we should talk.” Mac quietly said to Harm. She didn’t want to startle him. “About what Mac?” asked Harm a bit apprehensive. “We need to talk about us Harm. We can’t keep going on this way.” wailed Mac softly. “I don’t know Mac, it maybe too late.” replied Harm solemnly. “It’s not too late Harm, if we really want it. Maybe if we talk about what the problem is, and figure out what the deeper issues are, then we’ll be okay.” hoped Mac. She desperately wanted to get through whatever it was that was causing their distress. “I’m not going there with you Mac, this isn’t a marriage.” snapped Harm starting to get angry.
‘Just like her to think it’s my fault, it’s not. You can’t solve every problem by talking about it and examining them. Sometimes only time will solve them.’ thought Harm. Now it was Mac’s turn to get angry. It finally dawned on her what the real problem. He still hadn’t gotten over that she had been married and slept with John Farrow. She knew he was disappointed with her when he had finally found out after she killed Chris and the trial afterwards. It was why he was dating Jordan. But come on, enough is enough It’s time for him to get over it. What a pompous ass he was.
“Ah! So that’s really what the problem is, isn’t it Harm? You wish we were married don’t you? But you still have your tail feathers in an uproar. You still can’t forgive me for not telling you about Chris and sleeping with John. You still punishing me.” yelled Mac.
“What?” replied a stunned Harm. “Do you honestly believe that?” “What else am I suppose to believe Harm? We had gotten so close before you got cozy with Boobie and weren’t there when I needed you.” wailed Mac as tears began to form in her eyes and blur her vision.
“How was I suppose to know you needed me, Mac. You said you would talk to me the next day, but you didn’t.” replied Harm getting upset. “I followed you to Russia because I thought you needed me. You didn’t need to ask me to.” replied Mac as tears were now running down her cheeks
“I didn’t know.” replied Harm. He wanted to take her into his arms to comfort her, but he didn’t dare. There were still too many issues to deal with. He didn’t believe it would help the situation. “You should have known Harm. You should have come after me. I needed you. You would have if Boobie wasn’t there.” sobbed Mac.
“But oh no, God forbid the Great Harmon Rabb give up a conquest to help out a friend.” Mac continued to cry. She could barely see with the tears in her eyes. “That’s not true Mac and you know it. I was only cooking dinner for her like I do when we are working together on a case. You know I don’t really care for her. She’s a royal pain in my six most of the time. She always has her own agenda.” replied Harm defensively.
“Then you should have come after me if that was true. How long are you going to keep punishing me Harm?” cried Mac. “What! I’m not the one punishing you. You’re the one who’s doing the punishing Mac. Ever since I started dating Jordan ..........” argued Harm before Mac interrupted. “Case proven Harm, you’re guilty as charge.” “What!” responded Harm befuddled.
“Harmon Rabb Junior the knight in shining armor. He always has to help out the damsel in distress. You defended me during my murder trial, then you helped Keeter when he went down in Iran. You didn’t need to help me anymore because I was occupied with Chloe. You felt unneeded, so you help the first pretty face that came your way.” yelled Mac.
“Come on Mac that’s not true.” whined Harm. “Where were you on Christmas Harm? You were suppose come to my apartment and spend it with Chloe and me! You were going to help me give her a special Christmas that she hadn’t had since her mother died four years ago. But where were you Harm?” demanded Mac.
“I spent it with Jordan. She was new in town. She didn’t know anyone ......” Harm tried to counter before Mac interrupted. “And you got lucky. Chloe worships the ground you walk on and you disappointed her at Christmas time, so you could get lucky. She doesn’t thinks you like her. It’s not enough that her step father and his girl friend don’t care enough to give her the time of day, but you have to show her you don’t care too I never thought you would do that to a child, Harm . Hell I never thought you would do that to me, but then again you felt the need to punish me once again because I wasn’t honest with you about Chris and John.” wailed Mac.
Meanwhile outside in the hallway the Commander met up with the XO. “What’s going on in there? I can hear them fighting from the bridge.” asked the Commander. “It’s a small ship Sir.” the XO replied with a small grin. “Don’t get smart with me XO.” responded the Commander. “Sorry Sir. It all depends Sir, are they married?” asked the XO. “I don’t believe so. As far as I know married couples aren’t allowed to work together in the Navy.” replied the Commander.
“Well they’re not really in the real Navy. They’re lawyers Sir.” smiled the XO. “They still followed the same regs as we do XO.” replied the Commander. “Well I don’t know for sure, but they sure are arguing like they were married. I think it’s beginning to get real nasty. Sounds like the Commander is cheating on the Major.” smiled the XO.
“God, just what I need. I just received word from command that we need to get to the Korean peninsula. We’re going to be going under the Artic icecap in less than an hour. It’s going to take us fourteen days to get there” moaned the Commander.
“You want me to talk to them Sir?” asked the XO. “No, I’ll do it.” moaned the Commander. ‘God!’ he thought to himself. ‘These two were suppose to be the best lawyers in JAG. They had a great reputation for getting the job done. How he wondered. They must have driven everybody crazy.’
“So that is the reason problem!” yelled Mac. “What?” asked a surprised Harm. “That you wished we were married, but your stupid male pride can’t forgive me because you feel betrayed. Even though both events happened long before I ever met you. But you know something Harm, you’re not just punishing me, you’re punishing yourself. We could have something really special, but you’re too obstinate to want that.” yelled Mac. But before Harm could reply, there was a knock at the door. It was the Commander of the submarine.
“What’s going on in here? I can hear you both from the bridge. This is a Naval Vessel, not some private residence. You’re expected to act professionally while you’re aboard. I don’t want to have to inform Admiral Chegewidden, but I will if this behavior doesn’t stop.” bellowed the Commander
“Yes Sir.” they both replied. “I came down here to inform you both we have been ordered to the Korean peninsula. We are already going under the polar icecap and will reach the Sea of Japan in fourteen days. I expect you both to finish your investigation and have a solution in place by the time we arrive Have I made myself understood.” bellowed the Commander. “Yes Sir.” they both replied.
Over the next ten days they stayed away from the discussion of how they felt. They focused on the investigation and bounced ideas off each other. They examined what had happened during this time. First the watch on duty all got sick. Then a man died from a pressure valve breaking. Then another never recovered from being sick. And finally they all were being tested for Hepatitis A. There were too many coincidences to believe that so many people could get ill. Someone must be making them ill. Harm finally figured it was Chief Hodge. He had Bud checked Chief Hodge’s records at his other duty stations. Bud found that he was a hero for saving lives there too. Chief Hodge had to be the one.
He confronted Chief Hodge with the evidence. He had Mac paged. But before he could subdue Chief Hodge, Chief Hodge struck him with a blow to his larynx. Chief Hodge then gave him a sedative to incapacitate him. When Mac arrived and saw Harm, she was alarm She headed out for security with Chief Hodges following her. On the way to her destination, Mac received an e-mail from Harm to let her know it was Chief Hodge She gave Chief Hodge a funny look.
But before she could say anything Chief Hodge blinded her with an ammonia soaked handkerchief Mac somehow found a way to disabled Chief Hodge long enough to find her way back to Harm in sickbay. Harm attempted to wash her eyes out with water, but Chief Hodge interrupted them. They went into another room and locked the door. But their relief was short lived as Chief Hodge found another way into the room. He had a syringe with him to subdue the Harm again. Harm knocked the syringe away. Mac meantime found a steam release valve and opened it. It helped her eyes feel a little better
Unfortunately for her Chief Hodge once again had rendered Harm unconscious. Chief Hodge snuck up behind Mac and began to choke her, telling her that he couldn’t save everyone, some must die. Mac slowly blacked out and stopped breathing. Chief Hodge had a sense of satisfaction as though he got away with murder. But it was short lived. Harm had found the syringe with the sedative and injected it into Chief Hodge. He fell to the floor unconscious.
Harm saw Mac lying on the floor unconscious. He yelled “Mac!” as he felt for a pulse and check for breathing. He quickly gave her mouth to mouth respiration, blowing even breaths into her. After the fifth breath Mac began coughing and gasping for air. Harm pulled her up between his arms so she was resting against his chest “Thank God Mac. I thought I had lost you. You weren’t breathing” stated a relieved Harm. Mac didn’t say anything as she tried to regain her breathing and composure. She wanted to enjoy the feeling of being held by Harm. She reached up her hand to caress his face.
“Don’t ever scare me like that again Mac. I don’t ever want to lose you. I don’t know how I would ever survive if you weren’t here.” whispered Harm softly as tears formed in his eyes. “I’ll never leave you Harm.” replied Mac.
2100 hours
16 April 1999
McMurphy’s Tavern
A couple weeks later Bud and Harriet were throwing a wet down party. It was the custom in the Navy that when an officer was promoted, they threw a party to celebrate. Harriet had been promoted to Lieutenant jg, and Bud to full Lieutenant.
The party had been in full swing for a few hours where the men were stationed at the bar watching a few minutes of the basketball game. They were all disappointed that the Bullets, no the Wizards were going to miss the playoffs once again.
Carolyn, Mac, and Jordan were all sitting around one of the tables. Harriet had just left to talk to Bud. Carolyn and Jordan were feeling pretty good. They had downed a few umbrella drinks in the couple hours they had been there. Carolyn had always had a crush on Harm like any normal woman.
She thought with both Jordan and Mac sitting there with her, now was as good a time to talk about Harm. To find out what kind of lover he was. Was he the perfect officer and gentleman like in the movie ‘Top Gun’.
“So Jordan, how’s Harm in bed? Is he as good as everyone thinks he is?” Mac giggled as she almost spitted up her drink. Jordan was a little embarrass. Their relationship was still rather new. They had gone out a few times when Harm wasn’t busy traveling or working on cases. Even though they had slept together more than a few times, she was hardly an expert. She decide to deflect the question. She figured Mac would know. Harm and Mac had been working together for three years. They traveled a lot together. She sense that they were more than partners. She figured they must have been a couple at one point or another She sense that somehow Harm was still in love with Mac and that she had been lucky to catch him on the rebound.
She decided to play it coyly. This would be a good time to try to find out what Harm and Mac’s history was. Harm wasn’t exactly an open book. He guarded his privacy pretty well. “It’s hard to say Carolyn, what do you think Mac?” answered Jordan. Mac was caught completely by surprise. How in the world was she supposed to know.
“What? We’ve never slept together Jordan.” exclaimed Mac. “Come on Mac, you must have slept with Harm. All the trips you’ve taken with him to exotic locals. The many nights alone you spent with him.” teased Carolyn. “We’ve slept in the same room a few times and a couple of times he held me in his arms. But each of those times it was because we were stranded outside in the cold. It was the only way to stay warm. We have never slept together the way you’re implying.” replied Mac nervously hoping that Jordan believed her.
“Huh, huh. You know he’s in love with you Mac. I’m only with him until you decide you want him. I know it’s not going to last.” smiled Jordan. “I’m not a threat to you Jordan. We’re just friends.” replied Mac wondering why everyone kept saying that to her. “I know there’s more going on between the two of you. You’re just not on the same page right now. But someday you will be. I know it.” answered Jordan sadly. Mac sat there thinking. ‘I wish what she said was true. I wished he loved me like everyone believes, but I know it’s not true.’
Harm came over to the table looking for someone to dance with him. He asked Jordan to dance, but she deferred to Mac. She wanted to see how they were together. She wanted to confirm to herself that what she thought was right. As much as she loved Harm, she could never have him. She knew Harm was in loved with Mac. She didn’t want to stay in a long term relationship with Harm when she knew eventually Harm would go to Mac. If what she believe to be true, then it was time to move on. Get out of the relationship before she invested too much of herself in it. Because the longer she stayed with Harm, the more she was going to be hurt when he broke up with her.
She watched Harm and Mac as they were dancing. She saw how Harm held Mac in his arms. He held her like a lover, not as a friend. As they danced she saw Harm pulled Mac closer to him until Mac’s head was resting on his chest. They definitely were in love thought Jordan. I guess I better enjoy the night, for tomorrow I will tell him I’m leaving. It’s better to leave now while I still have some dignity. She saw Harriet moving her way. Just what she needed. I’m sure with a little prodding she will confirm everything I know to be true.